第63章
《THE CATCHER IN THE RYE(麦田里的守望者英文版)》章节:第63章,宠文网网友提供全文无弹窗免费在线阅读。!
I said to old Phoebe. She said something to me, but I didn't hear her.
"You can't even think of one thing."
"Yes, I can. Yes, I can."
"Well, do it, then."
"I like Allie," I said. "And I like doing what I'm doing right now. Sitting here with
you, and talking, and thinking about stuff, and--"
"Allie's dead--You always say that! If somebody's dead and everything, and in
Heaven, then it isn't really--"
"I know he's dead! Don't you think I know that? I can still like him, though, can't
I? Just because somebody's dead, you don't just stop liking them, for God's sake--
especially if they were about a thousand times nicer than the people you know that're
alive and all."
Old Phoebe didn't say anything. When she can't think of anything to say, she
doesn't say a goddam word.
"Anyway, I like it now," I said. "I mean right now. Sitting here with you and just
chewing the fat and horsing--"
"That isn't anything really!"
"It is so something really! Certainly it is! Why the hell isn't it? People never think
anything is anything really. I'm getting goddam sick of it,"
"Stop swearing. All right, name something else. Name something you'd like to be.
Like a scientist. Or a lawyer or something."
"I couldn't be a scientist. I'm no good in science."
"Well, a lawyer--like Daddy and all."
"Lawyers are all right, I guess--but it doesn't appeal to me," I said. "I mean they're
all right if they go around saving innocent guys' lives all the time, and like that, but you
don't do that kind of stuff if you're a lawyer. All you do is make a lot of dough and play
golf and play bridge and buy cars and drink Martinis and look like a hot-shot. And
besides. Even if you did go around saving guys' lives and all, how would you know if you
did it because you really wanted to save guys' lives, or because you did it because what
you really wanted to do was be a terrific lawyer, with everybody slapping you on the
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back and congratulating you in court when the goddam trial was over, the reporters and
everybody, the way it is in the dirty movies? How would you know you weren't being a
phony? The trouble is, you wouldn't."
I'm not too sure old Phoebe knew what the hell I was talking about. I mean she's
only a little child and all. But she was listening, at least. If somebody at least listens, it's
not too bad.
"Daddy's going to kill you. He's going to kill you," she said.
I wasn't listening, though. I was thinking about something else--something crazy.
"You know what I'd like to be?" I said. "You know what I'd like to be? I mean if I had my
goddam choice?"
"What? Stop swearing."
"You know that song 'If a body catch a body comin' through the rye'? I'd like--"
"It's 'If a body meet a body coming through the rye'!" old Phoebe said. "It's a
poem. By Robert Burns."
"I know it's a poem by Robert Burns."
She was right, though. It is "If a body meet a body coming through the rye." I
didn't know it then, though.
"I thought it was 'If a body catch a body,'" I said. "Anyway, I keep picturing all
these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little
kids, and nobody's around--nobody big, I mean--except me. And I'm standing on the edge
of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over
the cliff--I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come
out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the
rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's
crazy."
Old Phoebe didn't say anything for a long time. Then, when she said something,
all she said was, "Daddy's going to kill you."
"I don't give a damn if he does," I said. I got up from the bed then, because what I
wanted to do, I wanted to phone up this guy that was my English teacher at Elkton Hills,
Mr. Antolini. He lived in New York now. He quit Elkton Hills. He took this job teaching
English at N.Y.U. "I have to make a phone call," I told Phoebe. "I'll be right back. Don't
go to sleep." I didn't want her to go to sleep while I was in the living room. I knew she
wouldn't but I said it anyway, just to make sure.
While I was walking toward the door, old Phoebe said, "Holden!"