CHAPTER XI
MORALUSEOFINVENTORIES
November13th,NineOclockP.M.
Ihadwellstoppedupthechinksofmywindow;mylittlecarpetwasnaileddowninitsplace;mylamp,providedwithitsshade,castasubduedlightaround,andmystovemadealow,murmuringsound,asifsomelivecreaturewassharingmyhearthwithme.
Allwassilentaroundme.But,outofdoorsthesnowandrainswepttheroofs,andwithalow,rushingsoundranalongthegurglinggutters;sometimesagustofwindforceditselfbeneaththetiles,whichrattledtogetherlikecastanets,andafterwarditwaslostintheemptycorridor.
Thenaslightandpleasurableshiverthrilledthroughmyveins:Idrewtheflapsofmyoldwaddeddressing-gownaroundme,Ipulledmythreadbarevelvetcapovermyeyes,and,lettingmyselfsinkdeeperintomyeasy-chair,whilemyfeetbaskedintheheatandlightwhichshonethroughthedoorofthestove,Igavemyselfuptoasensationofenjoyment,mademorelivelybytheconsciousnessofthestormwhichragedwithout.Myeyes,swimminginasortofmist,wanderedoverallthedetailsofmypeacefulabode;theypassedfrommyprintstomybookcase,restinguponthelittlechintzsofa,thewhitecurtainsoftheironbedstead,andtheportfolioofloosepapers——thosearchivesoftheattics;andthen,returningtothebookIheldinmyhand,theyattemptedtoseizeoncemorethethreadofthereadingwhichhadbeenthusinterrupted.
Infact,thisbook,thesubjectofwhichhadatfirstinterestedme,hadbecomepainfultome.Ihadcometotheconclusionthatthepicturesofthewriterweretoosombre.Hisdescriptionofthemiseriesoftheworldappearedexaggeratedtome;Icouldnotbelieveinsuchexcessofpovertyandofsuffering;neitherGodnormancouldshowthemselvessoharshtowardthesonsofAdam.Theauthorhadyieldedtoanartistictemptation:hewasmakingashowofthesufferingsofhumanity,asNeroburnedRomeforthesakeofthepicturesque.
Takenaltogether,thispoorhumanhouse,sooftenrepaired,somuchcriticised,isstillaprettygoodabode;wemayfindenoughinittosatisfyourwants,ifweknowhowtosetboundstothem;thehappinessofthewisemancostsbutlittle,andasksbutlittlespace.
Theseconsolingreflectionsbecamemoreandmoreconfused.Atlastmybookfellonthegroundwithoutmyhavingtheresolutiontostoopandtakeitupagain;andinsensiblyovercomebytheluxuryofthesilence,thesubduedlight,andthewarmth,Ifellasleep.
Iremainedforsometimelostinthesortofinsensibilitybelongingtoafirstsleep;atlastsomevagueandbrokensensationscameoverme.
Itseemedtomethatthedaygrewdarker,thattheairbecamecolder.
Ihalfperceivedbushescoveredwiththescarletberrieswhichforetellthecomingofwinter.Iwalkedonadrearyroad,borderedhereandtherewithjuniper-treeswhitewithfrost.Thenthescenesuddenlychanged.
Iwasinthediligence;thecoldwindshookthedoorsandwindows;thetrees,loadedwithsnow,passedbylikeghosts;invainIthrustmybenumbedfeetintothecrushedstraw.Atlastthecarriagestopped,and,byoneofthosestageeffectssocommoninsleep,Ifoundmyselfaloneinabarn,withoutafireplace,andopentothewindsonallsides.Isawagainmymothersgentleface,knownonlytomeinmyearlychildhood,thenobleandsterncountenanceofmyfather,thelittlefairheadofmysister,whowastakenfromusattenyearsold;allmydeadfamilylivedagainaroundme;theywerethere,exposedtothebitingsofthecoldandtothepangsofhunger.Mymotherprayedbytheresignedoldman,andmysister,rolleduponsomeragsofwhichtheyhadmadeherabed,weptinsilence,andheldhernakedfeetinherlittlebluehands.
ItwasapagefromthebookIhadjustreadtransferredintomyownexistence.
Myheartwasoppressedwithinexpressibleanguish.Crouchedinacorner,withmyeyesfixeduponthisdismalpicture,Ifeltthecoldslowlycreepinguponme,andIsaidtomyselfwithbitterness:
"Letusdie,sincepovertyisadungeonguardedbysuspicion,apathy,andcontempt,andfromwhichitisvaintotrytoescape;letusdie,sincethereisnoplaceforusatthebanquetoftheliving!"
AndItriedtorisetojoinmymotheragain,andtowaitatherfeetforthehourofrelease.
Thiseffortdispelledmydream,andIawokewithastart.
Ilookedaroundme;mylampwasexpiring,thefireinmystoveextinguished,andmyhalf-openeddoorwaslettinginanicywind.
Igotup,withashiver,toshutanddouble-lockit;thenImadeforthealcove,andwenttobedinhaste.
Butthecoldkeptmeawakealongtime,andmythoughtscontinuedtheinterrupteddream.
ThepicturesIhadlatelyaccusedofexaggerationnowseemedbutatoofaithfulrepresentationofreality;andIwenttosleepwithoutbeingabletorecovermyoptimism——ormywarmth.
Thusdidacoldstoveandabadlycloseddooraltermypointofview.
Allwentwellwhenmybloodcirculatedproperly;alllookedgloomywhenthecoldlaidholdonme.
Thisremindsmeofthestoryoftheduchesswhowasobligedtopayavisittotheneighboringconventonawintersday.Theconventwaspoor,therewasnowood,andthemonkshadnothingbuttheirdisciplineandtheardoroftheirprayerstokeepoutthecold.Theduchess,whowasshiveringwithcold,returnedhome,greatlypityingthepoormonks.
Whiletheservantsweretakingoffhercloakandaddingtwomorelogstoherfire,shecalledhersteward,whomsheorderedtosendsomewoodtotheconventimmediately.Shethenhadhercouchmovedclosetothefireside,thewarmthofwhichsoonrevivedher.Therecollectionofwhatshehadjustsufferedwasspeedilylostinherpresentcomfort,whenthestewardcameinagaintoaskhowmanyloadsofwoodhewastosend.
"Oh!youmaywait,"saidthegreatladycarelessly;"theweatherisverymuchmilder."
Thus,mansjudgmentsareformedlessfromreasonthanfromsensation;andassensationcomestohimfromtheoutwardworld,sohefindshimselfmoreorlessunderitsinfluence;bylittleandlittleheimbibesaportionofhishabitsandfeelingsfromit.
Itisnot,then,withoutcausethat,whenwewishtojudgeofastrangerbeforehand,welookforindicationsofhischaracterinthecircumstanceswhichsurroundhim.Thethingsamongwhichwelivearenecessarilymadetotakeourimage,andweunconsciouslyleaveinthemathousandimpressionsofourminds.Aswecanjudgebyanemptybedoftheheightandattitudeofhimwhohassleptinit,sotheabodeofeverymandiscoverstoacloseobservertheextentofhisintelligenceandthefeelingsofhisheart.BernardindeSt-Pierrehasrelatedthestoryofayounggirlwhorefusedasuitorbecausehewouldneverhaveflowersordomesticanimalsinhishouse.Perhapsthesentencewassevere,butnotwithoutreason.Wemaypresumethatamaninsensibletobeautyandtohumbleaffectionmustbeillpreparedtofeeltheenjoymentsofahappymarriage.
14th,sevenoclockP.M——Thismorning,asIwasopeningmyjournaltowrite,Ihadavisitfromouroldcashier.
Hissightisnotsogoodasitwas,hishandbeginstoshake,andtheworkhewasabletodoformerlyisnowbecomingsomewhatlaborioustohim.Ihadundertakentowriteoutsomeofhispapers,andhecameforthoseIhadfinished.
Weconversedalongtimebythestove,whilehewasdrinkingacupofcoffeewhichImadehimtake.
M.Rateauisasensibleman,whohasobservedmuchandspeakslittle;sothathehasalwayssomethingtosay.
WhilelookingovertheaccountsIhadpreparedforhim,hislookfelluponmyjournal,andIwasobligedtoacknowledgethatinthiswayIwroteadiaryofmyactionsandthoughtseveryeveningforprivateuse.
Fromonethingtoanother,Ibeganspeakingtohimofmydreamthedaybefore,andmyreflectionsabouttheinfluenceofoutwardobjectsuponourordinarysentiments.Hesmiled.
"Ah!you,too,havemysuperstitions,"hesaid,quietly."Ihavealwaysbelieved,likeyou,thatyoumayknowthegamebythelair:itisonlynecessarytohavetactandexperience;butwithoutthemwecommitourselvestomanyrashjudgments.Formypart.Ihavebeenguiltyofthismorethanonce,butsometimesIhavealsodrawnarightconclusion.
Irecollectespeciallyanadventurewhichgoesasfarbackasthefirstyearsofmyyouth——"
Hestopped.IlookedathimasifIwaitedforhisstory,andhetolditmeatonce.
AtthistimehewasstillbutthirdclerktoanattorneyatOrleans.HismasterhadsenthimtoMontargisondifferentaffairs,andheintendedtoreturninthediligencethesameevening,afterhavingreceivedtheamountofabillataneighboringtown;buttheykepthimatthedebtorshouse,andwhenhewasabletosetoutthedayhadalreadyclosed.
FearingnottobeabletoreachMontargisingoodtime,hetookacrossroadtheypointedouttohim.Unfortunatelythefogincreased,nostarwasvisibleintheheavens,andthedarknessbecamesogreatthathelosthisroad.Hetriedtoretracehissteps,passedtwentyfootpaths,andatlastwascompletelyastray.
Afterthevexationoflosinghisplaceinthediligence,camethefeelingofuneasinessastohissituation.Hewasalone,onfoot,lostinaforest,withoutanymeansoffindinghisrightroadagain,andwithaconsiderablesumofmoneyabouthim,forwhichhewasresponsible.Hisanxietywasincreasedbyhisinexperience.Theideaofaforestwasconnectedinhismindwithsomanyadventuresofrobberyandmurder,thatheexpectedsomefatalencountereveryinstant.
Tosaythetruth,hissituationwasnotencouraging.Theplacewasnotconsideredsafe,andforsometimepasttherehadbeenrumorsofthesuddendisappearanceofseveralhorse-dealers,thoughtherewasnotraceofanycrimehavingbeencommitted.
Ouryoungtraveller,withhiseyesstaringforward,andhisearslistening,followedafootpathwhichhesupposedmighttakehimtosomehouseorroad;butwoodsalwayssucceededtowoods.Atlastheperceivedalightatadistance,andinaquarterofanhourhereachedthehighroad.
Asinglehouse,thelightfromwhichhadattractedhim,appearedatalittledistance.Hewasgoingtowardtheentrancegateofthecourtyard,whenthetrotofahorsemadehimturnhishead.Amanonhorsebackhadjustappearedattheturningoftheroad,andinaninstantwasclosetohim.
Thefirstwordsheaddressedtotheyoungmanshowedhimtobethefarmerhimself.Herelatedhowhehadlosthimself,andlearnedfromthecountrymanthathewasontheroadtoPithiviers.Montargiswasthreeleaguesbehindhim.
Thefoghadinsensiblychangedintoadrizzlingrain,whichwasbeginningtowettheyoungclerkthrough;heseemedafraidofthedistancehehadstilltogo,andthehorseman,whosawhishesitation,invitedhimtocomeintothefarmhouse.
Ithadsomethingofthelookofafortress.Surroundedbyaprettyhighwall,itcouldnotbeseenexceptthroughthebarsofthegreatgate,whichwascarefullyclosed.Thefarmer,whohadgotoffhishorse,didnotgonearit,but,turningtotheright,reachedanotherentranceclosedinthesameway,butofwhichhehadthekey.
Hardlyhadhepassedthethresholdwhenaterriblebarkingresoundedfromeachendoftheyard.Thefarmertoldhisguesttofearnothing,andshowedhimthedogschaineduptotheirkennels;bothwereofanextraordinarysize,andsosavagethatthesightoftheirmasterhimselfcouldnotquietthem.
Aboy,attractedbytheirbarking,cameoutofthehouseandtookthefarmershorse.Thelatterbeganquestioninghimaboutsomeordershehadgivenbeforeheleftthehouse,andwenttowardthestabletoseethattheyhadbeenexecuted.
Thusleftalone,ourclerklookedabouthim.
Alanternwhichtheboyhadplacedonthegroundcastadimlightoverthecourtyard.Allaroundseemedemptyanddeserted.Notatracewasvisibleofthedisorderoftenseeninacountryfarmyard,andwhichshowsatemporarycessationoftheworkwhichissoontoberesumedagain.
Neitheracartforgottenwherethehorseshadbeenunharnessed,norsheavesofcornheapedupreadyforthreshing,noraplowoverturnedinacornerandhalfhiddenunderthefreshly-cutclover.Theyardwasswept,thebarnsshutupandpadlocked.Notasinglevinecreepingupthewalls;everywherestone,wood,andiron!
Hetookupthelanternandwentuptothecornerofthehouse.Behindwasasecondyard,whereheheardthebarkingofathirddog,andacoveredwallwasbuiltinthemiddleofit.
Ourtravellerlookedinvainforthelittlefarmgarden,wherepumpkinsofdifferentsortscreepalongtheground,orwherethebeesfromthehiveshumunderthehedgesofhoneysuckleandelder.Verdureandflowerswerenowheretobeseen.Hedidnotevenperceivethesightofapoultry-yardorpigeon-house.Thehabitationofhishostwaseverywherewantinginthatwhichmakesthegraceandthelifeofthecountry.
Theyoungmanthoughtthathishostmustbeofaverycarelessoraverycalculatingdisposition,toconcedesolittletodomesticenjoymentsandthepleasuresoftheeye;andjudging,inspiteofhimself,bywhathesaw,hecouldnothelpfeelingadistrustofhischaracter.
Inthemeantimethefarmerreturnedfromthestables,andmadehimenterthehouse.
Theinsideofthefarmhousecorrespondedtoitsoutside.Thewhitewashedwallshadnootherornamentthanarowofgunsofallsizes;themassivefurniturehardlyredeemeditsclumsyappearancebyitsgreatsolidity.
Thecleanlinesswasdoubtful,andtheabsenceofallminorconveniencesprovedthatawomanscarewaswantinginthehouseholdconcerns.Theyoungclerklearnedthatthefarmer,infact,livedherewithnoonebuthistwosons.
Ofthis,indeed,thesignswereplainenough.Atablewiththeclothlaid,thatnoonehadtakenthetroubletoclearaway,wasleftnearthewindow.Theplatesanddisheswerescattereduponitwithoutanyorder,andloadedwithpotato-paringsandhalf-pickedbones.Severalemptybottlesemittedanodorofbrandy,mixedwiththepungentsmelloftobacco-smoke.
Afterseatinghisguest,thefarmerlightedhispipe,andhistwosonsresumedtheirworkbythefireside.Nowandthenthesilencewasjustbrokenbyashortremark,answeredbyawordoranexclamation;andthenallbecameasmuteasbefore.
"Frommychildhood,"saidtheoldcashier,"Ihadbeenverysensibletotheimpressionofoutwardobjects;laterinlife,reflectionhadtaughtmetostudythecausesoftheseimpressionsratherthantodrivethemaway.Isetmyself,then,toexamineeverythingaroundmewithgreatattention.
"Belowtheguns,Ihadremarkedonentering,somewolftrapsweresuspended,andtooneofthemstillhungthemangledremainsofawolfspaw,whichtheyhadnotyettakenofffromtheironteeth.Theblackenedchimneypiecewasornamentedbyanowlandaravennailedonthewall,theirwingsextended,andtheirthroatswithahugenailthrougheach;afoxsskin,freshlyflayed,wasspreadbeforethewindow;andalarderhook,fixedintotheprincipalbeam,heldaheadlessgoose,whosebodyswayedaboutoverourheads.
"Myeyeswereoffendedbyallthesedetails,andIturnedthemagainuponmyhosts.Thefather,whosatoppositetome,onlyinterruptedhissmokingtopourouthisdrink,oraddresssomereprimandtohissons.
Theeldestofthesewasscrapingadeepbucket,andthebloodyscrapings,whichhethrewintothefireeveryinstant,filledtheroomwithadisagreeablefetidsmell;thesecondsonwassharpeningsomebutchersknives.Ilearnedfromaworddroppedfromthefatherthattheywerepreparingtokillapigthenextday.
"Theseoccupationsandthewholeaspectofthingsinsidethehousetoldofsuchhabitualcoarsenessintheirwayoflivingasseemedtoexplain,whileitformedthefittingcounterpartof,theforbiddinggloominessoftheoutside.Myastonishmentbydegreeschangedintodisgust,andmydisgustintouneasiness.Icannotdetailthewholechainofideaswhichsucceededoneanotherinmyimagination;but,yieldingtoanimpulseIcouldnotovercome,Igotup,declaringIwouldgoonmyroadagain.
"Thefarmermadesomeefforttokeepme;hespokeoftherain,ofthedarkness,andofthelengthoftheway.IrepliedtoallbytheabsolutenecessitytherewasformybeingatMontargisthatverynight;andthankinghimforhisbriefhospitality,Isetoffagaininahastewhichmightwellhaveconfirmedthetruthofmywordstohim.
"However,thefreshnessofthenightandtheexerciseofwalkingdidnotfailtochangethedirectionsofmythoughts.Whenawayfromtheobjectswhichhadawakenedsuchlivelydisgustinme,Ifeltitgraduallydiminishing.Ibegantosmileatthesusceptibilityofmyfeelings,andthen,inproportionastherainbecameheavierandcolder,thesestricturesonmyselfassumedatoneofill-temper.Isilentlyaccusedmyselfoftheabsurdityofmistakingsensationforadmonitionsofmyreason.Afterall,werenotthefarmerandhissonsfreetolivealone,tohunt,tokeepdogs,andtokillapig?Wherewasthecrimeofit?
Withlessnervoussusceptibility,Ishouldhaveacceptedthesheltertheyofferedme,andIshouldnowbesleepingsnuglyonatrussofstraw,insteadofwalkingwithdifficultythroughthecoldanddrizzlingrain.
Ithuscontinuedtoreproachmyself,until,towardmorning,IarrivedatMontargis,jadedandbenumbedwithcold.
"When,however,Igotuprefreshed,towardthemiddleofthenextday,Iinstinctivelyreturnedtomyfirstopinion.Theappearanceofthefarmhousepresenteditselftomeunderthesamerepulsivecolorswhichtheeveningbeforehaddeterminedmetomakemyescapefromit.Reasonitselfremainedsilentwhenreviewingallthosecoarsedetails,andwasforcedtorecognizeinthemtheindicationsofalownature,orelsethepresenceofsomebalefulinfluence.
"Iwentawaythenextdaywithoutbeingabletolearnanythingconcerningthefarmerorhissons;buttherecollectionofmyadventureremaineddeeplyfixedinmymemory.
"TenyearsafterwardIwastravellinginthediligencethroughthedepartmentoftheLoiret;Iwasleaningfromthewindow,andlookingatsomecoppicegroundnowforthefirsttimebroughtundercultivation,andthemodeofclearingwhichoneofmytravellingcompanionswasexplainingtome,whenmyeyesfelluponawalledinclosure,withaniron-barredgate.InsideitIperceivedahousewithalltheblindsclosed,andwhichIimmediatelyrecollected;itwasthefarmhousewhereIhadbeensheltered.Ieagerlypointeditouttomycompanion,andaskedwholivedinit.
"Nobodyjustnow,repliedhe.
"Butwasitnotkept,someyearsago,byafarmerandhistwosons?
"TheTurreaus;saidmytravellingcompanion,lookingatme;didyouknowthem?
"Isawthemonce.
"Heshookhishead.
"Yes,yes!resumedhe;formanyyearstheylivedtherelikewolvesintheirden;theymerelyknewhowtotillland,killgame,anddrink.Thefathermanagedthehouse,butmenlivingalone,withoutwomentolovethem,withoutchildrentosoftenthem,andwithoutGodtomakethemthinkofheaven,alwaysturnintowildbeasts,yousee;soonemorningtheeldestson,whohadbeendrinkingtoomuchbrandy,wouldnotharnesstheplow-horses;hisfatherstruckhimwithhiswhip,andtheson,whowasmaddrunk,shothimdeadwithhisgun."
16th,P.M——Ihavebeenthinkingofthestoryoftheoldcashierthesetwodays;itcamesoopportunelyuponthereflectionsmydreamhadsuggestedtome.
HaveInotanimportantlessontolearnfromallthis?
Ifoursensationshaveanincontestableinfluenceuponourjudgments,howcomesitthatwearesolittlecarefulofthosethingswhichawakenormodifythesesensations?Theexternalworldisalwaysreflectedinusasinamirror,andfillsourmindswithpictureswhich,unconsciouslytoourselves,becomethegermsofouropinionsandofourrulesofconduct.
Alltheobjectswhichsurroundusarethen,inreality,somanytalismanswhencegoodandevilinfluencesareemitted,anditisforustochoosethemwisely,soastocreateahealthyatmosphereforourminds.
Feelingconvincedofthistruth,Isetaboutmakingasurveyofmyattic.
Thefirstobjectonwhichmyeyesrestisanoldmapofthehistoryoftheprincipalmonasteryinmynativeprovince.Ihadunrolleditwithmuchsatisfaction,andplaceditonthemostconspicuouspartofthewall.WhyhadIgivenitthisplace?Oughtthissheetofoldworm-eatenparchmenttobeofsomuchvaluetome,whoamneitheranantiquarynorascholar?Isnotitsrealimportanceinmysightthatoneoftheabbotswhofoundeditboremyname,andthatIshall,perchance,beabletomakemyselfagenealogicaltreeofitfortheedificationofmyvisitors?
Whilewritingthis,Ifeelmyownblushes.Come,downwiththemap!
letusbanishitintomydeepestdrawer.
AsIpassedmyglass,Iperceivedseveralvisitingcardscomplacentlydisplayedintheframe.Bywhatchanceisitthatthereareonlynamesthatmakeashowamongthem?HereisaPolishcount——aretiredcolonel——thedeputyofmydepartment.Quick,quick,intothefirewiththeseproofsofvanity!andletusputthiscardinthehandwritingofouroffice-boy,thisdirectionforcheapdinners,andthereceiptofthebrokerwhereIboughtmylastarmchair,intheirplace.Theseindicationsofmypovertywillserve,asMontaignesays,matermasuperbe,andwillalwaysmakemerecollectthemodestyinwhichthedignityofthelowlyconsists.
Ihavestoppedbeforetheprintshanginguponthewall.ThislargeandsmilingPomona,seatedonsheavesofcorn,andwhosebasketisoverflowingwithfruit,onlyproducesthoughtsofjoyandplenty;Iwaslookingathertheotherday,whenIfellasleepdenyingsuchathingasmisery.LetusgiveherascompanionthispictureofWinter,inwhicheverythingtellsofsorrowandsuffering:onepicturewillmodifytheother.
AndthisHappyFamilyofGreuzes!Whatjoyinthechildrenseyes!
Whatsweetreposeintheyoungwomansface!Whatreligiousfeelinginthegrandfatherscountenance!MayGodpreservetheirhappinesstothem!
butletushangbyitssidethepictureofthismother,whoweepsoveranemptycradle.Humanlifehastwofaces,bothofwhichwemustdaretocontemplateintheirturn.
Letmehide,too,theseridiculousmonsterswhichornamentmychimneypiece.Platohassaidthat"thebeautifulisnothingelsethanthevisibleformofthegood."Ifitisso,theuglyshouldbethevisibleformoftheevil,and,byconstantlybeholdingit,themindinsensiblydeteriorates.
Butaboveall,inordertocherishthefeelingsofkindnessandpity,letmehangatthefootofmybedthisaffectingpictureoftheLastSleep!
NeverhaveIbeenabletolookatitwithoutfeelingmyhearttouched.
Anoldwoman,clothedinrags,islyingbyaroadside;herstickisatherfeet,andherheadrestsuponastone;shehasfallenasleep;herhandsareclasped;murmuringaprayerofherchildhood,shesleepsherlastsleep,shedreamsherlastdream!
Sheseesherself,againastrongandhappychild,keepingthesheeponthecommon,gatheringtheberriesfromthehedges,singing,curtsyingtopassers-by,andmakingthesignofthecrosswhenthefirststarappearsintheheavens!Happytime,filledwithfragranceandsunshine!Shewantsnothingyet,forsheisignorantofwhatthereistowishfor.
Butseehergrownup;thetimeiscomeforworkingbravely:shemustcutthecorn,threshthewheat,carrythebundlesoffloweringcloverorbranchesofwitheredleavestothefarm.Ifhertoilishard,hopeshineslikeasunovereverythinganditwipesthedropsofsweataway.
Thegrowinggirlalreadyseesthatlifeisatask,butshestillsingsasshefulfillsit.
By-and-byetheburdenbecomesheavier;sheisawife,sheisamother!
Shemusteconomizethebreadofto-day,havehereyeuponthemorrow,takecareofthesick,andsustainthefeeble;shemustact,inshort,thatpartofanearthlyProvidence,soeasywhenGodgivesushisaid,sohardwhenheforsakesus.Sheisstillstrong,butsheisanxious;shesingsnolonger!
Yetafewyears,andallisovercast.Thehusbandshealthisbroken;hiswifeseeshimpineawaybythenowfirelesshearth;coldandhungerfinishwhatsicknesshadbegun;hedies,andhiswidowsitsonthegroundbythecoffinprovidedbythecharityofothers,pressinghertwohalf-nakedlittleonesinherarms.Shedreadsthefuture,sheweeps,andshedroopsherhead.
Atlastthefuturehascome;thechildrenaregrownup,buttheyarenolongerwithher.Hersonisfightingunderhiscountrysflag,andhissisterisgone.Bothhavebeenlosttoherforalongtime——perhapsforever;andthestronggirl,thebravewife,thecourageousmother,ishenceforthonlyapooroldbeggar-woman,withoutafamily,andwithoutahome!Sheweepsnomore,sorrowhassubduedher;shesurrenders,andwaitsfordeath.
Death,thatfaithfulfriendofthewretched,iscome:nothideousandwithmockery,assuperstitionrepresents,butbeautiful,smiling,andcrownedwithstars!Thegentlephantomstoopstothebeggar;itspalelipsmurmurafewairywords,whichannouncetohertheendofherlabors;apeacefuljoycomesovertheagedbeggarwoman,and,leaningontheshoulderofthegreatDeliverer,shehaspassedunconsciouslyfromherlastearthlysleeptohereternalrest.
Liethere,thoupoorway-weariedwoman!Theleaveswillservetheeforawinding-sheet.Nightwillshedhertearsofdewoverthee,andthebirdswillsingsweetlybythyremains.Thyvisitherebelowwillnothaveleftmoretracethantheirflightthroughtheair;thynameisalreadyforgotten,andtheonlylegacythouhasttoleaveisthehawthornsticklyingforgottenatthyfeet!
Well!someonewilltakeitup——somesoldierofthatgreathumanhostwhichisscatteredabroadbymiseryorbyvice;forthouartnotanexception,thouartaninstance;andunderthesamesunwhichshinessopleasantlyuponall,inthemidstofthesefloweringvineyards,thisripecorn,andthesewealthycities,entiregenerationssuffer,succeedeachother,andstillbequeathtoeachthebeggarsstick!
ThesightofthissadpictureshallmakememoregratefulforwhatGodhasgivenme,andmorecompassionateforthosewhomhehastreatedwithlessindulgence;itshallbealessonandasubjectforreflectionforme.
Ah!ifwewouldwatchforeverythingthatmightimproveandinstructus;ifthearrangementsofourdailylifeweresodisposedastobeaconstantschoolforourminds!butoftenestwetakenoheedofthem.
Manisaneternalmysterytohimself;hisownpersonisahouseintowhichheneverenters,andofwhichhestudiestheoutsidealone.EachofusneedhavecontinuallybeforehimthefamousinscriptionwhichonceinstructedSocrates,andwhichwasengravedonthewallsofDelphibyanunknownhand:
KNOWTHYSELF.