THE PRAISE OF CHIMNEY-SWEEPERS
Ihaveakindlyyearningtowardsthesedimspecks——poorblots——innocentblacknesses-
IreverencetheseyoungAfricansofourowngrowth——thesealmostclergyimps,whosporttheirclothwithoutassumption;andfromtheirlittlepulpits(thetopsofchimneys),inthenippingairofaDecembermorning,preachalessonofpatiencetomankind.
Whenachild,whatamysteriouspleasureitwastowitnesstheiroperation!toseeachitnobiggerthanones-selfenter,oneknewnotbywhatprocess,intowhatseemedthefaucesAverni——topursuehiminimagination,ashewentsoundingonthroughsomanydarkstiflingcaverns,horridshades——toshudderwiththeideathat"now,surely,hemustbelostforever!"——toreviveathearinghisfeebleshoutofdiscoveredday-light——andthen(Ofulnessofdelight)runningoutofdoors,toejustintimetoseethesablephenomenonemergeinsafety,thebrandishedweaponofhisartvictoriouslikesomeflagwavedoveraconqueredcitadel!Iseemtorememberhavingbeentold,thatabadsweepwasonceleftinastackwithhisbrush,toindicatewhichwaythewindblew.Itwasanawfulspectaclecertainly;notmuchunliketheoldstagedirectioninMacbeth,wherethe"Apparitionofachildcrownedwithatreeinhishandrises."
Reader,ifthoumeetestoneofthesesmallgentryinthyearlyrambles,itisgoodtogivehimapenny.Itisbettertogivehimtwo-pence.Ifitbestarvingweather,andtothepropertroublesofhishardoccupation,apairofkibedheels(nounusualacpaniment)besuperadded,thedemandonthyhumanitywillsurelyrisetoatester.
Thereisaposition,theground-workofwhichIhaveunderstoodtobethesweetwood`ycleptsassafras.Thiswoodboileddowntoakindoftea,andtemperedwithaninfusionofmilkandsugar,hathtosometastesadelicacybeyondtheChinaluxury.Iknownothowthypalatemayrelishit;formyself,witheverydeferencetothejudiciousMr.Read,whohathtimeoutofmindkeptopenashop(theonlyoneheaversinLondon)forthevendingofthis"wholesomeandpleasantbeverage,onthesouthsideofFleet-street,asthouapproachestBridge-street——theonlySalopianhouse,——Ihaveneveryetadventuredtodipmyownparticularlipinabasinofhismendedingredient——acautiouspremonitiontotheolfactoriesconstantlywhisperingtome,thatmystomachmustinfallibly,withallduecourtesy,declineit.YetIhaveseenpalates,otherwisenotuninstructedindieteticalelegances,supitupwithavidity.
Iknownotbywhatparticularconformationoftheorganithappens,butIhavealwaysfoundthatthispositionissurprisinglygratifyingtothepalateofayoungchimney-sweeper——whethertheoilyparticles(sassafrasisslightlyoleaginous)doattenuateandsoftenthefuliginousconcretions,whicharesometimesfound(indissections)toadheretotheroofofthemouthintheseunfledgedpractitionersorwhetherNature,sensiblethatshehadmingledtoomuchofbitterwoodinthelotoftheserawvictims,causedtogrowoutoftheearthhersassafrasforasweetlenitivebutsoitis,thatnopossibletasteorodourtothesensesofayoungchimney-sweepercanconveyadelicateexcitementparabletothismixture.Beingpenniless,theywillyethangtheirblackheadsovertheascendingsteam,togratifyonesenseifpossible,seeminglynolesspleasedthanthosedomesticanimals——cats——whentheypurroveranew-foundsprigofvalerian.Thereissomethingmoreinthesesympathiesthanphilosophycaninculcate.
NowalbeitMr.Readboasteth,notwithoutreason,thathisistheonlySalopionhouse;yetheitknowntothee,reader——ifthouartonewhokeepestwhatarecalledgoodhours,thouarthaplyignorantofthefact——hehatharaceofindustriousimitators,whofromstalls,andunderopensky,dispensethesamesavourymesstohumblercustomers,atthatdeadtimeofthedawn,when(asextremesmeet)therake,reelinghomefromhismidnightcups,andthehard-handedartisanleavinghisbedtoresumetheprematurelaboursoftheday,jostle,notunfrequentlytothemanifestdisconcertingoftheformer,forthehonoursofthepavement.Itisthetimewhen,insummer,betweentheexpiredandthenotyetreluminedkitchen-fires,thekennelsofourfairmetropolisgiveforththeirleastsatisfactoryodours.Therake,whowishethtodissipatehisoernightvapoursinmoregratefulcoffee,cursestheungenialfume,ashepasseth;buttheartisanstopstotaste,andblessesthefragrantbreakfast.
ThisisSaloop——theprecociousherb-womansdarling——thedelightoftheearlygardener,whotransportshissmokingcabbagesbybreakofdayfromHammersmithtoCovent-gardensfamedpiazzas——thedelight,and,ohIfear,toooftentheenvy,oftheunpenniedsweep.Himshouldestthouhaplyencounter,withhisdimvisagependentoverthegratefulsteam,regalehimwithasumptuousbasin(itwillcosttheebutthreehalfpennies)andasliceofdelicatebreadandbutter(anaddedhalfpenny)——somaythyculinaryfires,easedoftheoer-chargedsecretionsfromthyworse-placedhospitalities,curlupalightervolumetothewelkin——somaythedescendingsootnevertaintthycostlywell-ingrediencedsoups——northeodiouscry,quick-reachingfromstreettostreet,ofthefiredchimney,invitetherattlingenginesfromtenadjacentparishes,todisturbforacasualscintillationthypeaceandpocket!
Iambynatureextremelysusceptibleofstreetaffronts;thejeersandtauntsofthepopulace;thelow-bredtriumphtheydisplayoverthecasualtrip,orsplashedstocking,ofagentleman.YetcanIendurethejocularityofayoungsweepwithsomethingmorethanforgiveness.Inthelastwinterbutone,pacingalongCheap-sidewithmyaccustomedprecipitationwhenIwalkwestward,atreacherousslidebroughtmeuponmybackinaninstant.Iscrambledupwithpainandshameenough——yetoutwardlytryingtofaceitdown,asifnothinghadhappened——whentheroguishgrinofoneoftheseyoungwitsencounteredme.Therehestood,pointingmeoutwithhisduskyfingertothemob,andtoapoorwoman(Isupposehismother)inparticular,tillthetearsfortheexquisitenessofthefun(sohethoughtit)workedthemselvesoutatthecornersofhispoorredeyes,redfrommanyapreviousweeping,andsoot-inflamed,yettwinklingthroughallwithsuchajoy,snatchedoutofdesolation,thatHogarth——butHogarthhasgothimalready(howcouldhemisshim?)intheMarchtoFinchley,grinningatthepye-man——therehestood,ashestandsinthepicture,irremovable,asifthejestwastolastforever——withsuchamaximumofglee,andminimumofmischief,inhismirth——forthegrinofagenuinesweephathabsolutelynomaliceinit——thatIcouldhavebeencontent,ifthehonourofagentlemanmightendureit,tohaveremainedhisbuttandhismockerytillmidnight.
Iambytheoryobduratetotheseductivenessofwhatarecalledafinesetofteeth.Everypairofrosylips(theladiesmustpardonme)isacasket,presumablyholdingsuchjewels;but,methinks,theyshouldtakeleaveto"air"themasfrugallyaspossible.Thefinelady,orfinegentleman,whoshowmetheirteeth,showmebones.YetmustIconfess,thatfromthemouthofatruesweepadisplay(eventoostentation)ofthosewhiteandshiningossifications,strikesmeasanagreeableanomalyinmanners,andanallowablepieceoffoppery.Itis,aswhen
Asablecloud
Turnsforthhersilverliningonthenight.
Itislikesomeremnantofgentrynotquiteextinct;abadgeofbetterdays;ahintofnobility——and,doubtless,undertheobscuringdarknessanddoublenightoftheirforlorndisguisement,oftentimeslurkethgoodblood,andgentleconditions,derivedfromlostancestry,andalapsedpedigree.Theprematureapprenticementsofthesetendervictimsgivebuttoomuchencouragement,Ifear,toclandestine,andalmostinfantileabductions;theseedsofcivilityandtruecourtesy,sooftendiscernibleintheseyounggrafts(nototherwisetobeaccountedfor)plainlyhintatsomeforcedadoptions;manynobleRachelsmourningfortheirchildren,eveninourdays,countenancethefact;thetalesoffairy-spiritingmayshadowalamentableverity,andtherecoveryoftheyoungMontagubebutasolitaryinstanceofgoodfortune,outofmanyirreparableandhopelessdefiliations.
Inoneofthestate-bedsatArundelcastle,afewyearssinceunderaducalcanopy——(thatseatoftheHowardsisanobjectofcuriositytovisitors,chieflyforitsbeds,inwhichthelatedukewasespeciallyaconnoisseur)encircledwithcurtainsofdelicatestcrimson,withstarrycoronetsinwoven——foldedbetweenapairofsheetswhiterandsofterthanthelapwhereVenuslulledAscaniuswasdiscoveredbychance,afterallmethodsofsearchhadfailed,atnoon-day,fastasleep,alostchimney-sweeper.Thelittlecreature,havingsomehowconfoundedhispassageamongtheintricaciesofthoselordlychimneys,bysomeunknownaperturehadalighteduponthismagnificentchamber;and,tiredwithhistediousexplorations,wasunabletoresistthedeliciousinvitementtorepose,whichhetheresawexhibited;so,creepingbetweenthesheetsveryquietly,laidhisblackheaduponthepillow,andslept.likeayoungHoward.
SuchistheaccountgiventothevisitorsattheCastle——ButIcannothelpseemingtoperceiveaconfirmationofwhatIhavejusthintedatinthisstory.Ahighinstinctwasatworkinthecase,orIammistaken.Isitprobablethatapoorchildofthatdescription,withwhateverwearinesshemightbevisited,wouldhaveventured,undersuchapenalty,ashewouldbetaughttoexpect,touncoverthesheetsofaDukesbed,anddeliberatelytolayhimselfdownbetweenthem,whentherug,orthecarpet,presentedanobviouscouch,stillfarabovehispretension——isthisprobable,Iwouldask,ifthegreatpowerofnature,whichIcontendfor,hadnotbeenmanifestedwithinhim,promptingtotheadventure?Doubtlessthisyoungnobleman(forsuchmymindmisgivesmethathemustbe)wasalluredbysomememory,notamountingtofullconsciousness,ofhisconditionininfancy,whenbewasusedtobelaptbyhismother,orhisnurse,injustsuchsheetsashetherefound,intowhichhewasnowbutcreepingbackasintohisproperincunabula,andresting-place——Bynoothertheory,thanbythissentimentofapre-existentstate(asImaycallit),canIexplainadeedsoventurous,and,indeed,anyothersystem,soindecorous,inthistender,butunseasonablesleeper.
MypleasantfriendJemWhitewassoimpressedwithabeliefofmetamorphoseslikethisfrequentlytakingplace,thatinsomesorttoreversethewrongsoffortuneinthesepoorchangelings,heinstitutedanannualfeastofchimney-sweepers,atwhichitwashispleasuretoofficiateashostandwaiter.ItwasasolemnsupperheldinSmithfield,upontheyearlyreturnofthefairofSt.Bartholomew.Cardswereissuedaweekbeforetothemaster-sweepsinandaboutthemetropolis,confiningtheinvitationtotheiryoungerfry.Nowandthenanelderlystriplingwouldgetinamongus,andbegood-naturedlywinkedat;butourmainbodywereinfantry.Oneunfortunatewight,indeed,who,relyinguponhisduskysuit,hadintrudedhimselfintoourparty,butbytokenswasprovidentiallydiscoveredintimetobenochimney.sweeper(allisnotsootwhichlooksso),wasquoitedoutofthepresencewithuniversalindignation,asnothavingontheweddinggarment;butingeneralthegreatestharmonyprevailed.Theplacechosenwasaconvenientspotamongthepens,atthenorthsideofthefair,notsofardistantastobeimpervioustotheagreeablehub-hubofthatvanity;butremoteenoughnottobeobvioustotheinterruptionofeverygapingspectatorinit.Theguestsassembledaboutseven.Inthoselittletemporaryparloursthreetableswerespreadwithnapery,notsofineassubstantial,andateveryboardaelyhostesspresidedwithherpanofhissingsausages.Thenostrilsoftheyoungroguesdilatedatthesavour.JamesWhite,asheadwaiter,hadchargeofthefirsttable;andmyself,withourtrustypanionBigod,ordinarilyministeredtotheothertwo.Therewasclamberingandjostling,youmayhesure,whoshouldgetatthefirsttable——forRochesterinhismaddestdayscouldnothavedonethehumoursofthescenewithmorespiritthanmyfriend.Aftersomegeneralexpressionofthanksforthehonourthepanyhaddonehim,hisinauguralceremonywastoclaspthegreasywaistofolddameUrsula(thefattestofthethree),thatstoodfryingandfretting,half-blessing,half-cursing"thegentleman,"andimprintuponherchastelipsatendersalute,whereattheuniversalhostwouldsetupashoutthattoretheconcave,whilehundredsofgrinningteethstartledthenightwiththeirbrightness.Oitwasapleasuretoseethesableyounkerslickintheunctuousmeat,withhismoreunctuoussayings——howhewouldfitthetitbitstothepunymouths,reservingthelengthierlinksfortheseniors——howhewouldinterceptamorseleveninthejawsofsomeyoungdesperado,declaringit"musttothepanagaintobebrowned,foritwasnotfitforagentlemanseating"——howhewouldremendthissliceofwhitebread,orthatpieceofkissing-crust,toatenderjuvenile,advisingthemalltohaveacareofcrackingtheirteeth,whichweretheirbestpatrimony,howgenteellyhewoulddealaboutthesmallale,asifitwerewine,namingthebrewer,andprotesting,ifitwerenotgood,heshouldlosetheircustom;withaspecialremendationtowipethelipbeforedrinking.Thenwehadourtoasts——"TheKing,"——the"Cloth,"——which,whethertheyunderstoodornot,wasequallydivertingandflattering;——andforacrowningsentiment,whichneverfailed,"MaytheBrushsupersedetheLaurel!"Allthese,andfiftyotherfancies,whichwereratherfeltthanprehendedbyhisguests,wouldheutter,standingupontables,andprefacingeverysentimentwitha"Gentlemen,givemeleavetoproposesoandso,"whichwasaprodigiousforttothoseyoungorphans;everynowandthenstuffingintohismouth(foritdidnotdotobesqueamishontheseoccasions)indiscriminatepiecesofthosereekingsausages,whichpleasedthemmightily,andwasthesavouriestpart,youmaybelieve,oftheentertainment.
Goldenladsandlassesmust,
Aschimney-sweepers,etodust-
JamesWhiteisextinct,andwithhimthesesuppershavelongceased.Hecarriedawaywithhimhalfthefunoftheworldwhenhedied——ofmyworldatleast.Hisoldclientslookforhimamongthepens;and,missinghim,reproachthealteredfeastofSt.Bartholomew,andthegloryofSmithfielddepartedforever.