NEW YEAR'S EVE
Ofallsoundsofallbell——(bells,themusicnighestborderinguponheaven)——mostsolemnandtouchingisthepealwhichringsouttheOldYear.Ineverhearitwithoutagathering-upofmymindtoaconcentrationofalltheimagesthathavebeendiffusedoverthepasttwelvemonth;allIhavedoneorsuffered,performedorneglectedinthatregrettedtime.Ibegintoknowitsworth,aswhenapersondies.Ittakesapersonalcolour;norwasitapoeticalflightinacontemporary,whenheexclaimed
IsawtheskirtsofthedepartingYear.
Itisnomorethanwhatinsobersadnesseveryoneofusseemstoheconsciousof,inthatawfulleave-taking.IamsureIfeltit,andallfeltitwithme,lastnight;thoughsomeofmypanions.affectedrathertomanifestanexhilarationatthebirthoftheingyear,thananyverytenderregretsforthedeceaseofitspredecessor.ButIamnoneofthosewho-
Weletheing,speedthepartingguest.
Iamnaturally,beforehand,shyofnovelties:newbooks,newfaces,newyears,——fromsomementaltwistwhichmakesitdifficult.inmetofacetheprospective.Ihavealmostceasedtohope;andamsanguineonlyintheprospectsofother(former)years.Iplungeintoforegonevisionsandconclusions.Iencounterpell-mellwithpastdisappointments.Iamarmour-proofagainstolddiscouragements.Iforgive,orovereinfancy,oldadversaries.Iplayoveragainforlove,asthegamestersphraseit,games,forwhichIoncepaidsodear.Iwouldscarcenowhaveanyofthoseuntowardaccidentsandeventsofmylifereversed.Iwouldnomorealterthemthantheincidentsofsomewell-contrivednovel.Methinks,itisbetterthatIshouldhavepinedawaysevenofmygoldenestyears,whenIwasthralltothefairhair,andfairereyes,ofAliceW——n,thanthatsopassionatealove-adventureshouldbelost.Itwasbetterthatourfamilyshouldhavemissedthatlegacy,whicholdDorrellcheatedusof,thanthatIshouldhaveatthismomenttwothousandpoundsinbanco,andbewithouttheideaofthatspeciousoldrogue.
Inadegreebeneathmanhood,itismyinfirmitytolookbackuponthoseearlydays.DoIadvanceaparadox,whenIsay,that,skippingovertheinterventionoffortyyears,amanmayhaveleavetolovehimself,withouttheimputationofself-love?
IfIknowaughtofmyself,noonewhosemindisintrospective——andmineispainfullyso——canhavealessrespectforhispresentidentity,thanIhaveforthemanElia.Iknowhimtobelight,andvain,andhumorsome;anotorious***addictedto****:aversefromcounsel,neithertakingit,norofferingit:——***besides;astammeringbuffoon;whatyouwill;layiton,andsparenot:Isubscribetoitall,andmuchmore,thanthoucanstbewillingtolayathisdoor——butforthechildElia——that"otherme,"there,intheback-ground——Imusttakeleavetocherishtheremembranceofthatyoungmaster——withaslittlereference,Iprotest,tothisstupidchangelingoffive-and-forty,asifithadbeenachildofsomeotherhouse,andnotofmyparents.Icancryoveritspatientsmall-poxatfive,androughermedicaments.IcanlayitspoorfeveredheaduponthesickpillowatChrists,andwakewithitinsurpriseatthegentlepostureofmaternaltendernesshangingoverit,thatunknownhadwatcheditssleep.Iknowhowitshrankfromanytheleastcolouroffalsehood——Godhelpthee,Elia,howartthouchanged!Thouartsophisticated——Iknowhowhonest,howcourageous(foraweakling)itwas——howreligious,howimaginative,howhopeful!FromwhathaveInotfallen,ifthechildIrememberwasindeedmyself,——andnotsomedissemblingguardian,presentingafalseidentity,togivetheruletomyunpractisedsteps,andregulatethetoneofmymoralbeing!
ThatIamfondofindulging,beyondahopeofsympathy,insuchretrospection,maybethesymptomofsomesicklyidiosyncrasy.Orisitowingtoanothercause;simply,thatbeingwithoutwifeorfamily,Ihavenotlearnedtoprojectmyselfenoughoutofmyself:andhavingnooffspringofmyowntodailywith,Iturnbackuponmemory,andadoptmyownearlyidea,asmyheirandfavouriteIfthesespeculationsseemfantasticaltothee,reader——(abusyman,perchance),ifItreadoutofthewayofthysympathy,andamsingularly-conceitedonly,Iretire,impenetrabletoridicule,underthephantomcloudofElia.
Theelders,withwhomIwasbroughtup,wereofacharacternotlikelytoletslipthesacredobservanceofanyoldinstitution;andtheringingoutoftheOldYearwaskeptbythemwithcircumstancesofpeculiarceremony——Inthosedaysthesoundofthosemidnightchimes,thoughitseemedtoraisehilarityinallaroundme,neverfailedtobringatrainofpensiveimageryintomyfancy.YetIthenscarceconceivedwhatitmeant,orthoughtofitasareckoningthatconcernedme.Notchildhoodalone,buttheyoungmantillthirty,neverfeelspracticallythatheismortal.Heknowsitindeed,and,ifneedwere,hecouldpreachahomilyonthefragilityoflife;buthebringsitnothometohimself,anymorethaninahotJunewecanappropriatetoourimaginationthefreezingdaysofDecember.Butnow,shallIconfessatruth?——Ifeeltheseauditsbuttoopowerfully.Ibegintocounttheprobabilitiesofmyduration,andtogrudgeattheexpenditureofmomentsandshortestperiods,likemisersfarthings.Inproportionastheyearsbothlessenandshorten,Isetmorecountupontheirperiods,andwouldfainlaymyineffectualfingeruponthespokeofthegreatwheel.Iamnotcontenttopassaway"likeaweaversshuttle."Thosemetaphorssolacemenot,norsweetentheunpalatabledraughtofmortality.Icarenottobecarriedwiththetide,thatsmoothlybearshumanlifetoeternity:andreluctattheinevitablecourseofdestiny.Iaminlovewiththisgreenearth;thefaceoftownandcountry;theunspeakableruralsolitudes,andthesweetsecurityofstreets.Iwouldsetupmytabernaclehere.IamcontenttostandstillattheagetowhichIamarrived;I,andmyfriends:tobenoyounger,noricher,nohandsomer.Idonotwanttobeweanedbyage;ordrop,likemellowfruit,astheysay,intothegrave——Anyalteration,onthisearthofmine,indietorinlodging,puzzlesanddisposesme.Myhouseholdgodsplantaterriblefixedfoot,andarenotrootedupwithoutblood.TheydonotwillinglyseekLavinianshores.Anewstateofbeingstaggersme.
Sun,andsky,andbreeze,andsolitarywalks,andsummerholidays,andthegreennessoffields,andthedeliciousjuicesofmeatsandfishesandsociety,andthecheerfulglass,andcandle-light,andfiresideconversations,andinnocentvanities,andjests,andironyitself——thesethingsgooutwithlife?
Canaghostlaugh,orshakehisgauntsides,whenyouarepleasantwithhim?
Andyou,mymidnightdarlings,myFolios!mustIpartwiththeintensedelightofhavingyou(hugearmfuls)inmyembraces?Mustknowledgeetome,ifiteatall,bysomeawkwardexperimentofintuition,andnolongerbythisfamiliarprocessofreading?
ShallIenjoyfriendshipsthere,wantingthesmilingindicationswhichpointmetothemhere,——therecognisableface——the"sweetassuranceofalook"——?
Inwinterthisintolerabledisinclinationtodying——togiveititsmildestname——doesmoreespeciallyhauntandbesetme.InagenialAugustnoon,beneathaswelteringsky,deathisalmostproblematic.Atthosetimesdosuchpoorsnakesasmyselfenjoyanimmortality.Thenweexpandandburgeon.Thenareweasstrongagain,asvaliantagain,aswiseagain,andagreatdealtaller.Theblastthatnipsandshrinksme,putsmeinthoughtsofdeath.Allthingsalliedtotheinsubstantial,waituponthatmasterfeeling;cold,numbness,dreams,perplexity;moonlightitself,withitsshadowyandspectralappearances,——thatcoldghostofthesun,orPhoebussicklysister,likethatinnutritiousonedenouncedintheCanticles:——Iamnoneofherminions——IholdwiththePersian.
Whatsoeverthwarts,orputsmeoutofmyway,bringsdeathintomymind.Allpartialevils,likehumours,runintothatcapitalplague-sore——Ihaveheardsomeprofessanindifferencetolife.Suchhailtheendoftheirexistenceasaportofrefuge;andspeakofthegraveasofsomesoftarms,inwhichtheymayslumberasonapillow.Somehavewooeddeath——butoutuponthee,Isay,thoufoul,uglyphantom!Idetest,abhor,execrate,and(withFriarJohn)givetheetosix-scorethousanddevils,asinnoinstancetobeexcusedortolerated,butshunnedasauniversalviper;tobebranded,proscribed,andspokenevilof!InnowaycanIbebroughttodigestthee,thouthin,melancholyPrivation,ormorefrightfulandconfoundingPositive!
Thoseantidotes,prescribedagainstthefearofthee,arealtogetherfrigidandinsulting,likethyself.Forwhatsatisfactionhathaman,thatheshall"liedownwithkingsandemperorsindeath,"whoinhislife-timenevergreatlycovetedthesocietyofsuchbed-fellows?——or,forsooth,that"soshallthefairestfaceappear?"——why,tofortme,mustAliceW——nbeagoblin?Morethanall,Iconceivedisgustatthoseimpertinentandmisbeingfamiliarities,inscribeduponyourordinarytombstones.Everydeadmanmusttakeuponhimselftobelecturingmewithhisodioustruism,that"suchashenowis,Imustshortlyhe."Notsoshortly,friend,perhaps,asthouimaginest.Inthemean-timeIamalive.Imoveabout.Iamworthtwentyofthee.Knowthybetters!ThyNewYearsDaysarepast.Isurvive,ajollycandidatefor1821.Anothercupofwine——andwhilethatturn-coatbell,thatjustnowmournfullychantedtheobsequiesof1820departed,withchangednoteslustilyringsinasuccessor,letusattunetoitspealthesongmadeonalikeoccasion,byhearty,cheerfulMr.Cotton-
THENEWYEAR.
Hark,thecockcrows,andyonbrightstar
Tellsus,thedayhimselfsnotfar;
Andseewhere,breakingfromthenight,
Hegildsthewesternhillswithlight.
WithhimoldJanusdothappear,
Peepingintothefutureyear,
Withsuchalookasseemstosay,
Theprospectisnotgoodthatway.
Thusdoweriseillsightstosee,
And`gainstourselvestoprophesy;
Whenthepropheticfearofthings
Amoretormentingmischiefbrings,
Morefullofsoul-tormentinggall,
Thandirestmischiefscanbefall.
Butstay!butstay!methinksmysight,
Betterinformdbyclearerlight
Discernsserenenessinthatbrow,
Thatallcontractedseemdbutnow.
Hisreversdfacemayshowdistaste,
Andfrownupontheillsarepast;
Butthatwhichthiswaylooksisclear,
AndsmilesupontheNew-bornYear.
Helookstoofromaplacesohigh,
TheYearliesopentohiseye;
Andallthemomentsopenare
Totheexactdiscoverer.
Yetmoreandmorehesmilesupon
Thehappyrevolution.
Whyshouldwethensuspectorfear
Theinfluencesofayear,
Sosmilesuponusthefirstmorn,
Andspeaksusgoodsosoonasborn?
Plagueont!thelastwasillenough,
Thiscannotbutmakebetterproof;
Or,attheworst,aswebrushdthrough
Thelast,whysowemaythistoo;
Andthenthenextinreasonshoud
Besuperexcellentlygood:
Fortheworstills(wedailysee)
Havenomoreperpetuity,
Thanthebestfortunesthatdofall;
Whichalsobringuswherewithal
Longertheirbeingtosupport,
Thanthosedooftheothersort:
Andwhohasonegoodyearinthree,
Andyetrepinesatdestiny,[p32]
Appearsungratefulinthecase,
Andmeritsnotthegoodhehas.
ThenletusweletheNewGuest
Withlustybrimmersofthebest;
MirthalwaysshouldGoodFortunemeet,
AndrenderseenDisastersweet:
AndthoughthePrincessturnherback,
Letusbutlineourselveswithsack,
Webettershallbyfarholdout,
TillthenextYearshefaceabout.
Howsayyou,reader——donottheseversessmackoftheroughmagnanimityoftheoldEnglishvein?Dotheynotfortifylikeacordial;enlargingtheheart,andproductiveofsweetblood,andgenerousspirits,intheconcoction?Wherebethosepulingfearsofdeath,justnowexpressedoraffected?——passedlikeacloud——absorbedinthepurgingsunlightofclearpoetry——cleanwashedawaybyawaveofgenuineHelicon,youronlySpaforthesehypochondries——Andnowanothercupofthegenerous!andamerryNewYear,andmanyofthem,toyouall,mymasters!