第326页
《简·爱(英文版)》章节:第326页,宠文网网友提供全文无弹窗免费在线阅读。!
fortnight: that space, then, is yet left you for reflection. If I
listened to human pride, I should say no more to you of marriage
with me; but I listen to my duty, and keep steadily in view my first
aim- to do all things to the glory of God. My Master was
long-suffering: so will I be. I cannot give you up to perdition as a
vessel of wrath: repent- resolve, while there is yet time. Remember,
we are bid to work while it is day- warned that "the night cometh when
no man shall work." Remember the fate of Dives, who had his good
things in this life. God give you strength to choose that better
part which shall not be taken from you!'
He laid his hand on my head as he uttered the last words. He had
spoken earnestly, mildly: his look was not, indeed, that of a lover
beholding his mistress, but it was that of a pastor recalling his
wandering sheep- or better, of a guardian angel watching the soul
for which he is responsible. All men of talent, whether they be men of
feeling or not; whether they be zealots, or aspirants, or despots-
provided only they be sincere- have their sublime moments, when they
subdue and rule. I felt veneration for St. John- veneration so
strong that its impetus thrust me at once to the point I had so long
shunned. I was tempted to cease struggling with him- to rush down
the torrent of his will into the gulf of his existence, and there lose
my own. I was almost as hard beset by him now as I had been once
before, in a different way, by another. I was a fool both times. To
have yielded then would have been an error of principle; to have
yielded now would have been an error of judgment. So I think at this
hour, when I look back to the crisis through the quiet medium of time:
I was unconscious of folly at the instant.
I stood motionless under my hierophant's touch. My refusals were
forgotten- my fears overcome- my wrestlings paralysed. The Impossible-
i.e., my marriage with St. John- was fast becoming the Possible. All
was changing utterly with a sudden sweep. Religion called- Angels
beckoned- God commanded- life rolled together like a scroll- death's
gates opening, showed eternity beyond: it seemed, that for safety
and bliss there, all here might be sacrificed in a second. The dim
room was full of visions.
'Could you decide now?' asked the missionary. The inquiry was put
in gentle tones: he drew me to him as gently. Oh, that gentleness! how
far more potent is it than force! I could resist St. John's wrath: I
grew pliant as a reed under his kindness. Yet I knew all the time,
if I yielded now, I should not the less be made to repent, some day,
of my former rebellion. His nature was not changed by one hour of
solemn prayer: it was only elevated.
'I could decide if I were but certain,' I answered: 'were I but
convinced that it is God's will I should marry you, I could vow to
marry you here and now- come afterwards what would!'
'My prayers are heard!' ejaculated St. John. He pressed his hand