CHAPTER VIII
MISANTHROPYANDREPENTANCE
August3d,NineOclockP.M.
Therearedayswheneverythingappearsgloomytous;theworld,likethesky,iscoveredbyadarkfog.Nothingseemsinitsplace;weseeonlymisery,improvidence,andcruelty;theworldseemswithoutGod,andgivenuptoalltheevilsofchance.
YesterdayIwasinthisunhappyhumor.Afteralongwalkinthefaubourgs,Ireturnedhome,sadanddispirited.
EverythingIhadseenseemedtoaccusethecivilizationofwhichwearesoproud!Ihadwanderedintoalittleby-street,withwhichIwasnotacquainted,andIfoundmyselfsuddenlyinthemiddleofthosedreadfulabodeswherethepoorareborn,tolanguishanddie.Ilookedatthosedecayingwalls,whichtimehascoveredwithafoulleprosy;thosewindows,fromwhichdirtyragshangouttodry;thosefetidgutters,whichcoilalongthefrontsofthehouseslikevenomousreptiles!
Ifeltoppressedwithgrief,andhastenedon.
AlittlefartheronIwasstoppedbythehearseofahospital;adeadman,naileddowninhisdealcoffin,wasgoingtohislastabode,withoutfuneralpomporceremony,andwithoutfollowers.Therewasnothereeventhatlastfriendoftheoutcast——thedog,whichapainterhasintroducedasthesoleattendantatthepaupersburial!Hewhomtheywerepreparingtocommittotheearthwasgoingtothetomb,ashehadlived,alone;doubtlessnoonewouldbeawareofhisend.Inthisbattleofsociety,whatsignifiesasoldiertheless?
Butwhat,then,isthishumansociety,ifoneofitsmemberscanthusdisappearlikealeafcarriedawaybythewind?
Thehospitalwasnearabarrack,attheentranceofwhicholdmen,women,andchildrenwerequarrellingfortheremainsofthecoarsebreadwhichthesoldiershadgiventhemincharity!Thus,beingslikeourselvesdailywaitindestitutiononourcompassiontillwegivethemleavetolive!Wholetroopsofoutcasts,inadditiontothetrialsimposedonallGodschildren,havetoendurethepangsofcold,hunger,andhumiliation.Unhappyhumancommonwealth!Wheremanisinaworseconditionthanthebeeinitshive,ortheantinitssubterraneancity!
Ah!whatthenavailsourreason?Whatistheuseofsomanyhighfaculties,ifweareneitherthewisernorthehappierforthem?Whichofuswouldnotexchangehislifeoflaborandtroublewiththatofthebirdsoftheair,towhomthewholeworldisalifeofjoy?
HowwellIunderstandthecomplaintofMao,inthepopulartalesoftheFoyerBretonwho,whendyingofhungerandthirst,says,ashelooksatthebullfinchesriflingthefruit-trees:
"Alas!thosebirdsarehappierthanChristians;theyhavenoneedofinns,orbutchers,orbakers,orgardeners.Godsheavenbelongstothem,andearthspreadsacontinualfeastbeforethem!Thetinyfliesaretheirgame,ripegrasstheircornfields,andhipsandhawstheirstoreoffruit.Theyhavetherightoftakingeverywhere,withoutpayingoraskingleave:thuscomesitthatthelittlebirdsarehappy,andsingallthelivelongday!"
Butthelifeofmaninanaturalstateislikethatofthebirds;heequallyenjoysnature."Theearthspreadsacontinualfeastbeforehim."
What,then,hashegainedbythatselfishandimperfectassociationwhichformsanation?Woulditnotbebetterforeveryonetoturnagaintothefertilebosomofnature,andlivethereuponherbountyinpeaceandliberty?
August20th,fouroclockA.M——Thedawncastsaredglowonmybed-curtains;thebreezebringsinthefragranceofthegardensbelow.HereIamagainleaningonmyelbowsbythewindows,inhalingthefreshnessandgladnessofthisfirstwakeningoftheday.
Myeyealwayspassesovertheroofsfilledwithflowers,warbling,andsunlight,withthesamepleasure;butto-dayitstopsattheendofabuttresswhichseparatesourhousefromthenext.
Thestormshavestrippedthetopofitsplastercovering,anddustcarriedbythewindhascollectedinthecrevices,and,beingfixedtherebytherain,hasformedasortofaerialterrace,wheresomegreengrasshassprungup.Amongitrisesastalkofwheat,whichto-dayissurmountedbyasicklyearthatdroopsitsyellowhead.
Thispoorstraycropontheroofs,theharvestofwhichwillfalltotheneighboringsparrows,hascarriedmythoughtstotherichcropswhicharenowfallingbeneaththesickle;ithasrecalledtomethebeautifulwalksItookasachildthroughmynativeprovince,whenthethreshing-floorsatthefarmhousesresoundedfromeverypartwiththesoundofaflail,andwhenthecarts,loadedwithgoldensheaves,cameinbyalltheroads.
Istillrememberthesongsofthemaidens,thecheerfulnessoftheoldmen,theopen-heartedmerrimentofthelaborers.Therewas,atthattime,somethingintheirlooksbothofprideandfeeling.ThelattercamefromthankfulnesstoGod,theformerfromthesightoftheharvest,therewardoftheirlabor.Theyfeltindistinctlythegrandeurandtheholinessoftheirpartinthegeneralworkoftheworld;theylookedwithprideupontheirmountainsofcorn-sheaves,andtheyseemedtosay,NexttoGod,itiswewhofeedtheworld!
Whatawonderfulorderthereisinallhumanlabor!
Whilethehusbandmanfurrowshisland,andpreparesforeveryonehisdailybread,thetownartizan,faraway,weavesthestuffinwhichheistobeclothed;theminerseeksundergroundtheironforhisplow;thesoldierdefendshimagainsttheinvader;thejudgetakescarethatthelawprotectshisfields;thetax-comptrolleradjustshisprivateinterestswiththoseofthepublic;themerchantoccupieshimselfinexchanginghisproductswiththoseofdistantcountries;themenofscienceandofartaddeverydayafewhorsestothisidealteam,whichdrawsalongthematerialworld,assteamimpelsthegigantictrainsofourironroads!Thusallunitetogether,allhelponeanother;thetoilofeachonebenefitshimselfandalltheworld;theworkhasbeenapportionedamongthedifferentmembersofthewholeofsocietybyatacitagreement.If,inthisapportionment,errorsarecommitted,ifcertainindividualshavenotbeenemployedaccordingtotheircapacities,thosedefectsofdetaildiminishinthesublimeconceptionofthewhole.
Thepoorestmanincludedinthisassociationhashisplace,hiswork,hisreasonforbeingthere;eachissomethinginthewhole.
Thereisnothinglikethisformaninthestateofnature.Ashedependsonlyuponhimself,itisnecessarythathebesufficientforeverything.
Allcreationishisproperty;buthefindsinitasmanyhindrancesashelps.HemustsurmounttheseobstacleswiththesinglestrengththatGodhasgivenhim;hecannotreckononanyotheraidthanchanceandopportunity.Noonereaps,manufactures,fights,orthinksforhim;heisnothingtoanyone.Heisaunitmultipliedbythecipherofhisownsinglepowers;whilethecivilizedmanisaunitmultipliedbythewholeofsociety.
But,notwithstandingthis,theotherday,disgustedbythesightofsomevicesindetail,Icursedthelatter,andalmostenviedthelifeofthesavage.
Oneoftheinfirmitiesofournatureisalwaystomistakefeelingforevidence,andtojudgeoftheseasonbyacloudorarayofsunshine.
Wasthemisery,thesightofwhichmademeregretasavagelife,reallytheeffectofcivilization?Mustweaccusesocietyofhavingcreatedtheseevils,oracknowledge,onthecontrary,thatithasalleviatedthem?Couldthewomenandchildren,whowerereceivingthecoarsebreadfromthesoldier,hopeinthedesertformorehelporpity?Thatdeadman,whoseforsakenstateIdeplored,hadhenotfound,bythecaresofahospital,acoffinandthehumblegravewherehewasabouttorest?
Alone,andfarfrommen,hewouldhavediedlikethewildbeastinhisden,andwouldnowbeservingasfoodforvultures!Thesebenefitsofhumansocietyareshared,then,bythemostdestitute.Whoevereatsthebreadthatanotherhasreapedandkneaded,isunderanobligationtohisbrother,andcannotsayheoweshimnothinginreturn.Thepoorestofushasreceivedfromsocietymuchmorethanhisownsinglestrengthwouldhavepermittedhimtowrestfromnature.
Butcannotsocietygiveusmore?Whodoubtsit?Errorshavebeencommittedinthisdistributionoftasksandworkers.Timewilldiminishthenumberofthem;withnewlightsabetterdivisionwillarise;theelementsofsocietygoontowardperfection,likeeverythingelse.Thedifficultyistoknowhowtoadaptourselvestotheslowstepoftime,whoseprogresscanneverbeforcedonwithoutdanger.
August14th,sixoclockA.M——Mygarretwindowrisesupontherooflikeamassivewatch-tower.Thecornersarecoveredbylargesheetsoflead,whichrunintothetiles;thesuccessiveactionofcoldandheathasmadethemrise,andsoacrevicehasbeenformedinanangleontherightside.Thereasparrowhasbuilthernest.
Ihavefollowedtheprogressofthisaerialhabitationfromthefirstday.Ihaveseenthebirdsuccessivelybringthestraw,moss,andwooldesignedfortheconstructionofherabode;andIhaveadmiredtheperseveringskillsheexpendedinthisdifficultwork.Atfirst,mynewneighborspentherdaysinflutteringoverthepoplarinthegarden,andinchirpingalongthegutters;afineladyslifeseemedtheonlyonetosuither.Thenallofasudden,thenecessityofpreparingashelterforherbroodtransformedouridlerintoaworker;shenolongergaveherselfeitherrestorrelaxation.Isawheralwayseitherflying,fetching,orcarrying;neitherrainnorsunstoppedher.Astrikingexampleofthepowerofnecessity!Weareindebtedtoitnotonlyformostofourtalents,butformanyofourvirtues!
Isitnotnecessitythathasgiventhepeopleoflessfavoredclimatesthatconstantactivitywhichhasplacedthemsoquicklyattheheadofnations?Astheyaredeprivedofmostofthegiftsofnature,theyhavesuppliedthembytheirindustry;necessityhassharpenedtheirunderstanding,enduranceawakenedtheirforesight.Whileelsewhereman,warmedbyaneverbrilliantsun,andloadedwiththebountiesoftheearth,wasremainingpoor,ignorant,andnaked,inthemidstofgiftshedidnotattempttoexplore,herehewasforcedbynecessitytowresthisfoodfromtheground,tobuildhabitationstodefendhimselffromtheintemperanceoftheweather,andtowarmhisbodybyclothinghimselfwiththewoolofanimals.Workmakeshimbothmoreintelligentandmorerobust:disciplinedbyit,heseemstomounthigherontheladderofcreation,whilethosemorefavoredbynatureremainonthestepnearesttothebrutes.
Imadethesereflectionswhilelookingatthebird,whoseinstinctseemedtohavebecomemoreacutesinceshehadbeenoccupiedinwork.Atlastthenestwasfinished;shesetupherhouseholdthere,andIfollowedherthroughallthephasesofhernewexistence.
Whenshehadsatontheeggs,andtheyoungoneswerehatched,shefedthemwiththemostattentivecare.Thecornerofmywindowhadbecomeastageofmoralaction,whichfathersandmothersmightcometotakelessonsfrom.Thelittleonessoonbecamelarge,andthismorningIhaveseenthemtaketheirfirstflight.Oneofthem,weakerthantheothers,wasnotabletocleartheedgeoftheroof,andfellintothegutter.Icaughthimwithsomedifficulty,andplacedhimagainonthetileinfrontofhishouse,butthemotherhasnotnoticedhim.Oncefreedfromthecaresofafamily,shehasresumedherwanderinglifeamongthetreesandalongtheroofs.InvainIhavekeptawayfrommywindow,totakefromhereveryexcuseforfear;invainthefeeblelittlebirdhascalledtoherwithplaintivecries;hisbadmotherhaspassedby,singingandflutteringwithathousandairsandgraces.Onceonlythefathercamenear;helookedathisoffspringwithcontempt,andthendisappeared,nevertoreturn!
Icrumbledsomebreadbeforethelittleorphan,buthedidnotknowhowtopeckitwithhisbill.Itriedtocatchhim,butheescapedintotheforsakennest.Whatwillbecomeofhimthere,ifhismotherdoesnotcomeback!
August15th,sixoclock——Thismorning,onopeningmywindow,Ifoundthelittlebirddyinguponthetiles;hiswoundsshowedmethathehadbeendrivenfromthenestbyhisunworthymother.Itriedinvaintowarmhimagainwithmybreath;Ifeltthelastpulsationsoflife;hiseyeswerealreadyclosed,andhiswingshungdown!Iplacedhimontheroofinarayofsunshine,andIclosedmywindow.Thestruggleoflifeagainstdeathhasalwayssomethinggloomyinit:itisawarningtous.
HappilyIhearsomeoneinthepassage;withoutdoubtitismyoldneighbor;hisconversationwilldistractmythoughts.
Itwasmyportress.Excellentwoman!Shewishedmetoreadaletterfromhersonthesailor,andbeggedmetoansweritforher.
Ikeptit,tocopyitinmyjournal.Hereitis:
"DEARMOTHER:ThisistotellyouthatIhavebeenverywelleversincethelasttime,exceptthatlastweekIwasnearlydrownedwiththeboat,whichwouldhavebeenagreatloss,asthereisnotabettercraftanywhere.
"Agustofwindcapsizedus;andjustasIcameupabovewater,Isawthecaptainsinking.Iwentafterhim,aswasmyduty,and,afterdivingthreetimes,Ibroughthimtothesurface,whichpleasedhimmuch;forwhenwewerehoistedonboard,andhehadrecoveredhissenses,hethrewhisarmsroundmyneck,ashewouldhavedonetoanofficer.
"Idonothidefromyou,dearmother,thatthishasdelightedme.
Butitisntall;itseemsthatfishingupthecaptainhasremindedthemthatIhadagoodcharacter,andtheyhavejusttoldmethatIampromotedtobeasailorofthefirstclass!DirectlyIknewit,Icriedout,Mymothershallhavecoffeetwiceaday!Andreally,dearmother,thereisnothingnowtohinderyou,asIshallnowhavealargerallowancetosendyou.
"Iincludebybeggingyoutotakecareofyourselfifyouwishtodomegood;fornothingmakesmefeelsowellastothinkthatyouwantfornothing.
"Yourson,fromthebottomofmyheart,
JACQUES."
Thisistheanswerthattheportressdictatedtome:
"MYGOODJACQUOT:Itmakesmeveryhappytoseethatyourheartisstillastrueasever,andthatyouwillnevershamethosewhohavebroughtyouup.Ineednottellyoutotakecareofyourlife,becauseyouknowitisthesameasmyown,andthatwithoutyou,dearchild,Ishouldwishfornothingbutthegrave;butwearenotboundtolive,whileweareboundtodoourduty.
"Donotfearformyhealth,goodJacques;Iwasneverbetter!Idonotgrowoldatall,forfearofmakingyouunhappy.Iwantnothing,andIlivelikealady.Ievenhadsomemoneyoverthisyear,andasmydrawersshutverybadly,Iputitintothesavings
bank,whereIhaveopenedanaccountinyourname.So,whenyoucomeback,youwillfindyourselfwithanincome.Ihavealsofurnishedyourchestwithnewlinen,andIhaveknittedyouthreenewsea-jackets.
"Allyourfriendsarewell.Yourcousinisjustdead,leavinghiswidowindifficulties.Igaveheryourthirtyfrancsremittanceandsaidthatyouhadsentither;andthepoorwomanremembersyoudayandnightinherprayers.So,yousee,Ihaveputthatmoneyinanothersortofsavingsbank;butthereitisourheartsthatgettheinterest.
"Good-bye,dearJacquot.Writetomeoften,andalwaysrememberthegoodGod,andyouroldmother,
"PHROSINEMILLOT."
Goodson,andworthymother!howsuchexamplesbringusbacktoaloveforthehumanrace!Inafitoffancifulmisanthropy,wemayenvythefateofthesavage,andpreferthatofthebirdtosuchashe;butimpartialobservationsoondoesjusticetosuchparadoxes.Wefind,onexamination,thatinthemixedgoodandevilofhumannature,thegoodsofaraboundsthatwearenotinthehabitofnoticingit,whiletheevilstrikesuspreciselyonaccountofitsbeingtheexception.Ifnothingisperfect,nothingissobadastobewithoutitscompensationoritsremedy.Whatspiritualrichesarethereinthemidstoftheevilsofsociety!howmuchdoesthemoralworldredeemthematerial!
Thatwhichwilleverdistinguishmanfromtherestofcreation,ishispowerofdeliberateaffectionandofenduringself-sacrifice.Themotherwhotookcareofherbroodinthecornerofmywindowdevotedtothemthenecessarytimeforaccomplishingthelawswhichinsurethepreservationofherkind;butsheobeyedaninstinct,andnotarationalchoice.WhenshehadaccomplishedthemissionappointedherbyProvidence,shecastoffthedutyaswegetridofaburden,andshereturnedagaintoherselfishliberty.Theothermother,onthecontrary,willgoonwithhertaskaslongasGodshallleaveherherebelow:thelifeofhersonwillstillremain,sotospeak,joinedtoherown;andwhenshedisappearsfromtheearth,shewillleavetherethatpartofherself.
Thus,theaffectionsmakeforourspeciesanexistenceseparatefromalltherestofcreation.Thankstothem,weenjoyasortofterrestrialimmortality;andifotherbeingssucceedoneanother,manaloneperpetuateshimself.