CHAPTER I
NEW-YEARSGIFTS
January1st
ThedayofthemonthcameintomymindassoonasIawoke.Anotheryearisseparatedfromthechainofages,anddropsintothegulfofthepast!
Thecrowdhastentowelcomeheryoungsister.Butwhilealllooksareturnedtowardthefuture,minereverttothepast.Everyonesmilesuponthenewqueen;but,inspiteofmyself,Ithinkofherwhomtimehasjustwrappedinherwinding-sheet.Thepastyear!——atleastIknowwhatshewas,andwhatshehasgivenme;whilethisonecomessurroundedbyalltheforebodingsoftheunknown.Whatdoesshehideinthecloudsthatmantleher?Isitthestormorthesunshine?Justnowitrains,andIfeelmymindasgloomyasthesky.Ihaveaholidaytoday;butwhatcanonedoonarainyday?Iwalkupanddownmyatticoutoftemper,andIdeterminetolightmyfire.
Unfortunatelythematchesarebad,thechimneysmokes,thewoodgoesout!
Ithrowdownmybellowsindisgust,andsinkintomyoldarmchair.
Intruth,whyshouldIrejoicetoseethebirthofanewyear?Allthosewhoarealreadyinthestreets,withholidaylooksandsmilingfaces——dotheyunderstandwhatmakesthemsogay?Dotheyevenknowwhatisthemeaningofthisholiday,orwhencecomesthecustomofNew-Yearsgifts?
Heremymindpausestoprovetoitselfitssuperiorityoverthatofthevulgar.Imakeaparenthesisinmyill-temperinfavorofmyvanity,andIbringtogetheralltheevidencewhichmyknowledgecanproduce.
(TheoldRomansdividedtheyearintotenmonthsonly;itwasNumaPompiliuswhoaddedJanuaryandFebruary.TheformertookitsnamefromJanus,towhomitwasdedicated.Asitopenedthenewyear,theysurroundeditsbeginningwithgoodomens,andthencecamethecustomofvisitsbetweenneighbors,ofwishinghappiness,andofNew-Yearsgifts.
ThepresentsgivenbytheRomansweresymbolic.Theyconsistedofdryfigs,dates,honeycomb,asemblemsof"thesweetnessoftheauspicesunderwhichtheyearshouldbeginitscourse,"andasmallpieceofmoneycalledstips,whichforebodedriches.)
HereIclosetheparenthesis,andreturntomyill-humor.ThelittlespeechIhavejustaddressedtomyselfhasrestoredmemyself-satisfaction,butmadememoredissatisfiedwithothers.Icouldnowenjoymybreakfast;buttheportresshasforgottenmymorningsmilk,andthepotofpreservesisempty!Anyoneelsewouldhavebeenvexed:asforme,Iaffectthemostsupremeindifference.Thereremainsahardcrust,whichIbreakbymainstrength,andwhichIcarelesslynibble,asamanfarabovethevanitiesoftheworldandoffreshrolls.
However,Idonotknowwhymythoughtsshouldgrowmoregloomybyreasonofthedifficultiesofmastication.IoncereadthestoryofanEnglishmanwhohangedhimselfbecausetheyhadbroughthimhisteawithoutsugar.Therearehoursinlifewhenthemosttriflingcrosstakestheformofacalamity.Ourtempersarelikeanopera-glass,whichmakestheobjectsmallorgreataccordingtotheendyoulookthrough.
Usually,theprospectthatopensoutbeforemywindowdelightsme.Itisamountain-rangeofroofs,withridgescrossing,interlacing,andpiledononeanother,anduponwhichtallchimneysraisetheirpeaks.ItwasbutyesterdaythattheyhadanAlpineaspecttome,andIwaitedforthefirstsnowstormtoseeglaciersamongthem;to-day,Ionlyseetilesandstoneflues.Thepigeons,whichassistedmyruralillusions,seemnomorethanmiserablebirdswhichhavemistakentheroofforthebackyard;thesmoke,whichrisesinlightclouds,insteadofmakingmedreamofthepantingofVesuvius,remindsmeofkitchenpreparationsanddishwater;andlastly,thetelegraph,thatIseefaroffontheoldtowerofMontmartre,hastheeffectofavilegallowsstretchingitsarmsoverthecity.
Myeyes,thushurtbyalltheymeet,falluponthegreatmanshousewhichfacesmyattic.
TheinfluenceofNew-YearsDayisvisiblethere.TheservantshaveanairofeagernessproportionedtothevalueoftheirNew-Yearsgifts,receivedorexpected.Iseethemasterofthehousecrossingthecourtwiththemoroselookofamanwhoisforcedtobegenerous;andthevisitorsincrease,followedbyshopporterswhocarryflowers,bandboxes,ortoys.Suddenlythegreatgatesareopened,andanewcarriage,drawnbythoroughbredhorses,drawsupbeforethedoorsteps.Theyare,withoutdoubt,theNew-Yearsgiftpresentedtothemistressofthehousebyherhusband;forshecomesherselftolookatthenewequipage.Verysoonshegetsintoitwithalittlegirl,allstreamingwithlaces,feathersandvelvets,andloadedwithparcelswhichshegoestodistributeasNew-Yearsgifts.Thedoorisshut,thewindowsaredrawnup,thecarriagesetsoff.
Thusalltheworldareexchanginggoodwishesandpresentsto-day.Ialonehavenothingtogiveortoreceive.PoorSolitary!IdonotevenknowonechosenbeingforwhomImightofferaprayer.
ThenletmywishesforahappyNewYeargoandseekoutallmyunknownfriends——lostinthemultitudewhichmurmursliketheoceanatmyfeet!
Toyoufirst,hermitsincities,forwhomdeathandpovertyhavecreatedasolitudeinthemidstofthecrowd!unhappylaborers,whoarecondemnedtotoilinmelancholy,andeatyourdailybreadinsilenceanddesertion,andwhomGodhaswithdrawnfromtheintoxicatingpangsofloveandfriendship!
Toyou,fonddreamers,whopassthroughlifewithyoureyesturnedtowardsomepolarstar,whileyoutreadwithindifferenceovertherichharvestsofreality!
Toyou,honestfathers,wholengthenouttheeveningtomaintainyourfamilies!toyou,poorwidows,weepingandworkingbyacradle!toyou,youngmen,resolutelysettoopenforyourselvesapathinlife,largeenoughtoleadthroughitthewifeofyourchoice!toyou,allbravesoldiersofworkandofself-sacrifice!
Toyou,lastly,whateveryourtitleandyourname,wholovegood,whopitythesuffering;whowalkthroughtheworldlikethesymbolicalVirginofByzantium,withbotharmsopentothehumanrace!
HereIamsuddenlyinterruptedbyloudandincreasingchirpings.Ilookaboutme:mywindowissurroundedwithsparrowspickingupthecrumbsofbreadwhichinmybrownstudyIhadjustscatteredontheroof.Atthissightaflashoflightbrokeuponmysaddenedheart.Ideceivedmyselfjustnow,whenIcomplainedthatIhadnothingtogive:thankstome,thesparrowsofthispartofthetownwillhavetheirNew-Yearsgifts!
Twelveoclock——Aknockatmydoor;apoorgirlcomesin,andgreetsmebyname.AtfirstIdonotrecollecther;butshelooksatme,andsmiles.Ah!itisPaulette!ButitisalmostayearsinceIhaveseenher,andPauletteisnolongerthesame:theotherdayshewasachild,nowsheisalmostayoungwoman.
Pauletteisthin,pale,andmiserablyclad;butshehasalwaysthesameopenandstraightforwardlook——thesamemouth,smilingateveryword,asiftocourtyoursympathy——thesamevoice,somewhattimid,yetexpressingfondness.Pauletteisnotpretty——sheiseventhoughtplain;asforme,Ithinkhercharming.Perhapsthatisnotonheraccount,butonmyown.
Pauletteappearstomeasoneofmyhappiestrecollections.
Itwastheeveningofapublicholiday.Ourprincipalbuildingswereilluminatedwithfestoonsoffire,athousandflagswavedinthenightwinds,andthefireworkshadjustshotforththeirspoutsofflameintothemidstoftheChampdeMars.Suddenly,oneofthoseunaccountablealarmswhichstrikeamultitudewithpanicfelluponthedensecrowd:
theycryout,theyrushonheadlong;theweakeronesfall,andthefrightenedcrowdtramplesthemdowninitsconvulsivestruggles.Iescapedfromtheconfusionbyamiracle,andwashasteningaway,whenthecriesofaperishingchildarrestedme:Ireenteredthathumanchaos,and,afterunheard-ofexertions,IbroughtPauletteoutofitattheperilofmylife.
Thatwastwoyearsago:sincethenIhadnotseenthechildagainbutatlongintervals,andIhadalmostforgottenher;butPaulettesmemorywasthatofagratefulheart,andshecameatthebeginningoftheyeartooffermeherwishesformyhappiness.Shebroughtme,besides,awallflowerinfullbloom;sheherselfhadplantedandrearedit:itwassomethingthatbelongedwhollytoherself;foritwasbyhercare,herperseverance,andherpatience,thatshehadobtainedit.
Thewallflowerhadgrowninacommonpot;butPaulette,whoisabandbox-maker,hadputitintoacaseofvarnishedpaper,ornamentedwitharabesques.Thesemighthavebeeninbettertaste,butIdidnotfeeltheattentionandgood-willtheless.
Thisunexpectedpresent,thelittlegirlsmodestblushes,thecomplimentsshestammeredout,dispelled,asbyasunbeam,thekindofmistwhichhadgatheredroundmymind;mythoughtssuddenlychangedfromtheleadentintsofeveningtothebrightestcolorsofdawn.ImadePaulettesitdown,andquestionedherwithalightheart.
Atfirstthelittlegirlrepliedinmonosyllables;butverysoonthetableswereturned,anditwasIwhointerruptedwithshortinterjectionsherlongandconfidentialtalk.Thepoorchildleadsahardlife.Shewasleftanorphanlongsince,withabrotherandsister,andliveswithanoldgrandmother,whohas"broughtthemuptopoverty,"asshealwayscallsit.
However,Paulettenowhelpshertomakebandboxes,herlittlesisterPerrinebeginstousetheneedle,andherbrotherHenryisapprenticetoaprinter.Allwouldgowellifitwerenotforlossesandwantofwork——ifitwerenotforclotheswhichwearout,forappetiteswhichgrowlarger,andforthewinter,whenyoucannotgetsunshinefornothing.
Paulettecomplainsthathercandlesgotooquickly,andthatherwoodcoststoomuch.Thefireplaceintheirgarretissolargethatafagotmakesnomoreshowinitthanamatch;itissoneartheroofthatthewindblowstheraindownit,andinwinterithailsuponthehearth;sotheyhaveleftoffusingit.Henceforththeymustbecontentwithanearthenchafing-dish,uponwhichtheycooktheirmeals.Thegrandmotherhadoftenspokenofastovethatwasforsaleatthebrokerscloseby;butheaskedsevenfrancsforit,andthetimesaretoohardforsuchanexpense:thefamily,therefore,resignthemselvestocoldforeconomy!
AsPaulettespoke,IfeltmoreandmorethatIwaslosingmyfretfulnessandlowspirits.Thefirstdisclosuresofthelittlebandbox-makercreatedwithinmeawishthatsoonbecameaplan.Iquestionedheraboutherdailyoccupations,andsheinformedmethatonleavingmeshemustgo,withherbrother,hersister,andgrandmother,tothedifferentpeopleforwhomtheywork.Myplanwasimmediatelysettled.ItoldthechildthatIwouldgotoseeherintheevening,andIsentherawaywithfreshthanks.
Iplacedthewallflowerintheopenwindow,wherearayofsunshinebiditwelcome;thebirdsweresingingaround,theskyhadclearedup,andtheday,whichbegansoloweringly,hadbecomebright.IsangasImovedaboutmyroom,and,havinghastilyputonmyhatandcoat,Iwentout.
Threeoclock——Allissettledwithmyneighbor,thechimney-doctor;hewillrepairmyoldstove,andanswersforitsbeingasgoodasnew.
Atfiveoclockwearetosetout,andputitupinPaulettesgrandmothersroom.
Midnight——Allhasgoneoffwell.Atthehouragreedupon,Iwasattheoldbandbox-makers;shewasstillout.MyPiedmontese[InParisachimney-sweeperisnamed"Piedmontese"or"Savoyard,"
astheyusuallycomefromthatcountry.]fixedthestove,whileIarrangedadozenlogsinthegreatfireplace,takenfrommywinterstock.Ishallmakeupforthembywarmingmyselfwithwalking,orbygoingtobedearlier.
Myheartbeatateverystepthatwasheardonthestaircase;Itrembledlesttheyshouldinterruptmeinmypreparations,andshouldthusspoilmyintendedsurprise.Butno!——seeeverythingready:thelightedstovemurmursgently,thelittlelampburnsuponthetable,andabottleofoilforitisprovidedontheshelf.Thechimney-doctorisgone.Nowmyfearlesttheyshouldcomeischangedintoimpatienceattheirnotcoming.AtlastIhearchildrensvoices;heretheyare:theypushopenthedoorandrushin——buttheyallstopinastonishment.
Atthesightofthelamp,thestove,andthevisitor,whostandstherelikeamagicianinthemidstofthesewonders,theydrawbackalmostfrightened.Pauletteisthefirsttocomprehendit,andthearrivalofthegrandmother,whoismoreslowlymountingthestairs,finishestheexplanation.Thencometears,ecstasies,thanks!
Butthewondersarenotyetended.Thelittlesisteropenstheoven,anddiscoverssomechestnutsjustroasted;thegrandmotherputsherhandonthebottlesofciderarrangedonthedresser;andIdrawforthfromthebasketthatIhavehiddenacoldtongue,apotofbutter,andsomefreshrolls.
Nowtheirwonderturnsintoadmiration;thelittlefamilyhaveneverseensuchafeast!Theylaythecloth,theysitdown,theyeat;itisacompletebanquetforall,andeachcontributeshissharetoit.Ihadbroughtonlythesupper:andthebandbox-makerandherchildrensuppliedtheenjoyment.
Whatburstsoflaughteratnothing!Whatahubbubofquestionswhichwaitedfornoreply,ofreplieswhichanswerednoquestion!Theoldwomanherselfsharedinthewildmerrimentofthelittleones!Ihavealwaysbeenstruckattheeasewithwhichthepoorforgettheirwretchedness.Beingusedtoliveonlyforthepresent,theymakeagainofeverypleasureassoonasitoffersitself.Butthesurfeitedricharemoredifficulttosatisfy:theyrequiretimeandeverythingtosuitbeforetheywillconsenttobehappy.
Theeveninghaspassedlikeamoment.Theoldwomantoldmethehistoryofherlife,sometimessmiling,sometimesdryinghereyes.Perrinesanganoldballadwithherfreshyoungvoice.Henrytolduswhatheknowsofthegreatwritersoftheday,towhomhehastocarrytheirproofs.Atlastwewereobligedtoseparate,notwithoutfreshthanksonthepartofthehappyfamily.
Ihavecomehomeslowly,ruminatingwithafullheart,andpureenjoyment,onthesimpleeventsofmyevening.Ithasgivenmemuchcomfortandmuchinstruction.Now,noNew-YearsDaywillcomeamisstome;Iknowthatnooneissounhappyastohavenothingtogiveandnothingtoreceive.
AsIcamein,Imetmyrichneighborsnewequipage.She,too,hadjustreturnedfromhereveningsparty;and,asshesprangfromthecarriage-stepwithfeverishimpatience,Iheardhermurmur"Atlast!"
I,whenIleftPaulettesfamily,said"Sosoon!"