MAY, 1943
Dearest Kitty,
Yesterday was Dussels birthday. At first he acted as if he didnt want to celebrate it, but when Miep arrived with a large shopping bag overflowing with gifts, he was as excited as a little kid. His darling Lotje" has sent him eggs, butter, cookies, lemonade, bread, cognac, spice cake, flowers, oranges, chocolate, books and writing paper. He piled his presents on a table and displayed them for no fewer than three days, the silly old goat!
You mustnt get the idea that hes starving. We found bread, cheese, jam and eggs in his cupboard. Its absolutely disgraceful that Dussel, whom weve treated with such kindness and whom we took in to save from destruction, should stuff himself behind our backs and not give us anything. After all, weve shared all we had with him! But whats worse, in our opinion, is that hes so stingy with respect to Mr. Kleiman, Mr.
Voskuijl and Bep. He doesnt give them a thing. In Dussels view the oranges that Kleiman so badly needs for his sick stomach will benefit his own stomach even more.
Tonight the guns have been banging away so much that Ive already had to gather up my belongings four times. Today I packed a suitcase Wl f;the stuff Id need in case we had to flee, but as M ther correctly noted, "Where would you go?”
All of Holland is being punishe or the workers strikes. Martial law has been declared, and everyone is going to get one less butter coupon. What naughty children.
I washed Mothers hair this evening, which is no easy task these days. We have to use a very sticky liquid cleanser because theres no more shampoo. Besides that, Moms had a hard time combing her hair because the family comb has only ten teeth left.
Yours, Anne
SUNDAY, MAY 2, 1943
When I think about our lives here, I usually come to the conclusion that we live in a paradise compared to the Jews who arent in hiding. All the same, later on, when
everything has returned to normal, Ill probably wonder how we, who always lived in such comfortable circumstances, could have "sunk" so low. With respect to manners, I mean. For example, the same oilcloth has covered the dining table ever since weve been here. After so much use, its hardly what youd call spotless. I do my best to clean it, but since the dishcloth was also purchased before we went into hiding and consists of more holes than cloth, its a thankless task. The van Daans have been sleeping all winter long on the same flannel sheet, which cant be washed because detergent is rationed and in short supply. Besides, its of such poor quality that its practically useless. Father is walking around in frayed trousers, and his tie is also showing signs of wear and tear. Mamas corset snapped today and is beyond repair, while Margot is wearing a bra thats two sizes too small, Mother and Margot have shared the same three undershorts the entire winter, and mine are so small they dont even cover my stomach. These are all things that can be overcome, but I sometimes wonder: how can we, whose every possession, from my underpants to Fathers shaving brush, is so old and worn, ever hope to regain the position we had before the war?
SUNDAY, MAY 2, 1943
The Attitude of the Annex Residents Toward the War Mr. van Daan. In the opinion of us all, this revered gentleman has great insight into politics. Nevertheless, he predicts well have to stay here until the end of 43. Thats a very long time, and yet its possible to hold out until then. But who can assure us that this war, which has caused nothing but pain and sorrow, will then be over? And that nothing will have happened to us and our helpers long before that time? No one!
Thats why each and every day is filled with tension. Expectation and hope generate tension, as does fear -- for example, when we hear a noise inside or outside the house, when the guns go off or when we read new "proclamations" in the paper, since were afraid our helpers might be forced to go into hiding themselves sometime. These days everyone is talking about having to hide. We dont know how many people are actually in hiding; of course, the number is relatively small compared to the general population, but later on well no doubt be astonished at how many good people in Holland were willing to take Jews and Christians, with or without money, into their homes. Therere also an unbelievable number of people with false identity papers.
Mrs. van Daan. When this beautiful damsel (by her own account) heard that it was getting easier these days to obtain false IDs, she immediately proposed that we each have one made. As if there were nothing to it, as if Father and Mr. van Daan were made of money.
Mrs. van Daan is always sating the most ridiculous things, and her Putti is often
exasperated. But thats not surprising, because one day Kerli announces, "When this is allover, Im going to have myself baptized"; and the next, "As long as I can remember, Ive wanted to go to Jerusalem. I only feel at home with other jews!”
Pim is a big optimist, but he always has his reasons.
Mr. Dussel makes up everything as he goes along, and anyone wishing to contradict His Majesty had better think twice. In Alfred Dussels home his word is law, but that doesnt suit Anne Frank in the least.
What the other members of the Annex family think about the war doesnt matter.
When it comes to politics, these four are the only ones who count. Actually, only two of them do, but Madame van Daan and Dussel include themselves as well.
TUESDAY, MAY 18, 1943
Dearest Kit, I recently witnessed a fierce dogfight between German and English pilots.
Unfortunately, a couple of Allied airmen had to jump out of their burning plane. Our milkman, who lives in Halfweg, saw four Canadians sitting along the side of the road, and one of them spoke fluent Dutch. He asked the milkman if he had a light for his cigarette, and then told him the crew had consisted of six men. The pilot had been burned to death, and the fifth crew member had hidden himself somewhere. The German Security Police came to pick up the four remaining men, none of whom were injured. After parachuting out of a flaming plane, how can anyone have such presence of mind?
Although its undeniably hot, we have to light a fire every other day to burn our vegetable peelings and garbage. We cant throw anything into trash cans, because the warehouse employees might see it. One small act of carelessness and were done for!
All college students are being asked to sign an official statement to the effect that they "sympathize with the Germans and approve of the New Order." Eighty percent have decided to obey the dictates of their conscience, but the penalty will be severe.
Any student refusing to sign will be sent to a German labor camp. Whats to become of the youth of our country if theyve all got to do hard labor in Germany?
Last night the guns were making so much noise that Mother shut the window; I was in Pims bed. Suddenly, right above our heads, we heard Mrs. van D. leap up, as if shed been bitten by Mouschi. This was followed by a loud boom, which sounded as if
a firebomb had landed beside my bed. "Lights! Lights!" I screamed.
Pim switched on the lamp. I expected the room to burst into flames any minute.
Nothing happened. We all rushed upstairs to see what was going on. Mr. and Mrs. van D. had seen a red glow through the open window, and he thought there was a fire nearby, while she was certain our house was ablaze. Mrs. van D. was already standing beside her bed with her knees knocking when the boom came. Dussel stayed upstairs to smoke a cigarette, and we crawled back into bed. Less than fifteen minutes later the shooting started again. Mrs. van D. sprang out of bed and went downstairs to Dussel s room to seek the comfort she was unable to find with her spouse. Dussel welcomed her with the words "Come into my bed, my child!”
We burst into peals of laughter, and the roar of the guns bothered us no more; our fears had all been swept away.
Yours, Anne