第319页
《简·爱(英文版)》章节:第319页,宠文网网友提供全文无弹窗免费在线阅读。!
'No,' said he; 'it is a long-cherished scheme, and the only one
which can secure my great end: but I shall urge you no further at
present. To-morrow, I leave home for Cambridge: I have many friends
there to whom I should wish to say farewell. I shall be absent a
fortnight- take that space of time to consider my offer: and do not
forget that if you reject it, it is not me you deny, but God.
Through my means, He opens to you a noble career; as my wife only
can you enter upon it. Refuse to be my wife, and you limit yourself
for ever to a track of selfish ease and barren obscurity. Tremble lest
in that case you should be numbered with those who have denied the
faith, and are worse than infidels!'
He had done. Turning from me, he once more
'Looked to river, looked to hill.'
But this time his feelings were all pent in his heart: I was not
worthy to hear them uttered. As I walked by his side homeward, I
read well in his iron silence all he felt towards me: the
disappointment of an austere and despotic nature, which has met
resistance where it expected submission- the disapprobation of a cool,
inflexible judgment, which has detected in another feelings and
views in which it has no power to sympathise: in short, as a man, he
would have wished to coerce me into obedience: it was only as a
sincere Christian he bore so patiently with my perversity, and allowed
so long a space for reflection and repentance.
That night, after he had kissed his sisters, he thought proper to
forget even to shake hands with me, but left the room in silence. I-
who, though I had no love, had much friendship for him- was hurt by
the marked omission: so much hurt that tears started to my eyes.
'I see you and St. John have been quarrelling, Jane,' said Diana,
'during your walk on the moor. But go after him; he is now lingering
in the passage expecting you- he will make it up.'
I have not much pride under such circumstances: I would always
rather be happy than dignified; and I ran after him- he stood at the
foot of the stairs.
'Good-night, St. John,' said I.
'Good-night, Jane,' he replied calmly.
'Then shake hands,' I added.
What a cold, loose touch he impressed on my fingers! He was
deeply displeased by what had occurred that day; cordiality would
not warm, nor tears move him. No happy reconciliation was to be had
with him- no cheering smile or generous word: but still the
Christian was patient and placid; and when I asked him if he forgave
me, he answered that he was not in the habit of cherishing the
remembrance of vexation; that he had nothing to forgive, not having
been offended.
And with that answer he left me. I would much rather he had knocked
me down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER XXXV
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------