第316页
《简·爱(英文版)》章节:第316页,宠文网网友提供全文无弹窗免费在线阅读。!
let us continue as such: you and I had better not marry.'
He shook his head. 'Adopted fraternity will not do in this case. If
you were my real sister it would be different: I should take you,
and seek no wife. But as it is, either our union must be consecrated
and sealed by marriage, or it cannot exist: practical obstacles oppose
themselves to any other plan. Do you not see it, Jane? Consider a
moment- your strong sense will guide you.'
I did consider; and still my sense, such as it was, directed me
only to the fact that we did not love each other as man and wife
should: and therefore it inferred we ought not to marry. I said so.
'St. John,' I returned, 'I regard you as a brother- you, me as a
sister: so let us continue.'
'We cannot- we cannot,' he answered, with short, sharp
determination: 'it would not do. You have said you will go with me
to India: remember- you have said that.'
'Conditionally.'
'Well- well. To the main point- the departure with me from England,
the co-operation with me in my future labours- you do not object.
You have already as good as put your hand to the plough: you are too
consistent to withdraw it. You have but one end to keep in view- how
the work you have undertaken can best be done. Simplify your
complicated interests, feelings, thoughts, wishes, aims; merge all
considerations in one purpose: that of fulfilling with effect- with
power- the mission of your great Master. To do so, you must have a
coadjutor: not a brother- that is a loose tie- but a husband. I,
too, do not want a sister: a sister might any day be taken from me.
I want a wife: the sole helpmeet I can influence efficiently in
life, and retain absolutely till death.'
I shuddered as he spoke: I felt his influence in my marrow- his
hold on my limbs.
'Seek one elsewhere than in me, St. John: seek one fitted to you.'
'One fitted to my purpose, you mean- fitted to my vocation. Again I
tell you it is not the insignificant private individual- the mere man,
with the man's selfish senses- I wish to mate: it is the missionary.'
'And I will give the missionary my energies- it is all he wants-
but not myself: that would be only adding the husk and shell to the
kernel. For them he has no use: I retain them.'
'You cannot- you ought not. Do you think God will be satisfied with
half an oblation? Will He accept a mutilated sacrifice? It is the
cause of God I advocate: it is under His standard I enlist you. I
cannot accept on His behalf a divided allegiance: it must be entire.'
'Oh! I will give my heart to God,' I said. 'You do not want it.'
I will not swear, reader, that there was not something of repressed
sarcasm both in the tone in which I uttered this sentence, and in
the feeling that accompanied it. I had silently feared St. John till
now, because I had not understood him. He had held me in awe,
because he had held me in doubt. How much of him was saint, how much