第49页
《简·爱(英文版)》章节:第49页,宠文网网友提供全文无弹窗免费在线阅读。!
me! How the new feeling bore me up! It was as if a martyr, a hero, had
passed a slave or victim, and imparted strength in the transit. I
mastered the rising hysteria, lifted up my head, and took a firm stand
on the stool. Helen Burns asked some slight questions about her work
of Miss Smith, was chidden for the triviality of the inquiry, returned
to her place, and smiled at me as she again went by. What a smile! I
remember it now, and I know that it was the effluence of fine
intellect, of true courage; it lit up her marked lineaments, her
thin face, her sunken grey eye, like a reflection from the aspect of
an angel. Yet at that moment Helen Burns wore on her arm 'the untidy
badge;' scarcely an hour ago I had heard her condemned by Miss
Scatcherd to a dinner of bread and water on the morrow because she had
blotted an exercise in copying it out. Such is the imperfect nature of
man! such spots are there on the disc of the clearest planet; and eyes
like Miss Scatcherd's can only see those minute defects, and are blind
to the full brightness of the orb.
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CHAPTER VIII
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ERE the half-hour ended, five o'clock struck; school was dismissed,
and all were gone into the refectory to tea. I now ventured to
descend: it was deep dusk; I retired into a corner and sat down on the
floor. The spell by which I had been so far supported began to
dissolve; reaction took place, and soon, so overwhelming was the grief
that seized me, I sank prostrate with my face to the ground. Now I
wept: Helen Burns was not here; nothing sustained me; left to myself I
abandoned myself, and my tears watered the boards. I had meant to be
so good, and to do so much at Lowood: to make so many friends, to earn
respect and win affection. Already I had made visible progress; that
very morning I had reached the head of my class; Miss Miller had
praised me warmly; Miss Temple had smiled approbation; she had
promised to teach me drawing, and to let me learn French, if I
continued to make similar improvement two months longer: and then I
was well received by my fellow-pupils; treated as an equal by those of
my own age, and not molested by any; now, here I lay again crushed and
trodden on; and could I ever rise more?
'Never,' I thought; and ardently I wished to die. While sobbing out
this wish in broken accents, some one approached: I started up-
again Helen Burns was near me; the fading fires just showed her coming
up the long, vacant room; she brought my coffee and bread.
'Come, eat something,' she said; but I put both away from me,
feeling as if a drop or a crumb would have choked me in my present
condition. Helen regarded me, probably with surprise: I could not
now abate my agitation, though I tried hard; I continued to weep